Hopeless criminals

Hardcore Wire-esque front-line story of the week

The best thing about this story, our crime posting of the day, is that it all takes place in Gainesville. There's nothing I like more than having a place name that seems so suitable for the news story where it appears. So. Fark takes us to deepest Orlando -- in fact, to the wonderfully named Orlando Sentinel. Why do we not have a paper in the UK called the something Sentinel? What in fact is a sentinel?

Anyway, the story is excellent (violence and criminality aside). The disastrous thieves made about 25 cents each from the whole process -- they would probably have been better off spending ten minutes crawling the pavement and picking up dimes. And now they'll go to prison and generally have an awful time. Orlando officials should clearly employ them to lecture disaffected teens on the absolute pointlessness of stealing unless you're a criminal mastermind, and even then something will probably go dreadfully wrong and you'll end up looking stupid. They're the best anti-crime advert I've ever seen.

Sophie Elmhirst is features editor of the New Statesman

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The New Statesman Cover | Wanted: An opposition

A first look at this week's magazine.

March 31 - April 6 
Wanted: An opposition