Laurie Penny

Pop culture and radical politics with a feminist twist

The Question Time drinking game . . . and a political hangover

A new drinking game based on the ubiquitous programme gives much away about the robustness of political debate in Westminster.

By Laurie Penny Published 11 July 2011 13:00

Like the late, great Douglas Adams's towel-clutching anti-hero Arthur Dent, I never could get the hang of Thursdays. Somehow, most of them end up with me sitting by myself with a ready deadline and a drink of something horrible, shouting at the television. By myself but not, it seems, alone -- because thanks to the magic of the internet, the vicissitudes of modern politics and the boundless capacity of the British to creatively enable one another's alcohol consumption, we now have the cultural phenomenon that is the Question Time drinking game.

It happened like this: the tweeting classes realised that we were all drinking miserably in our living rooms in front of the same long-running political debate show at the same time and it would be much more fun if someone came up with some rules -- so someone did. You can imagine that by the time the show is broadcast -- it's recorded earlier in the evening -- most of the panellists and production team could already be sloshing their way to frantic oblivion, so it's all in good fun.

Dimble Dance

Enough with the preamble: here's how you play. You sit around in front of the telly with epic quantities of corner shop booze and a bunch of friends or, if you're a dynamic young gunslinger like me, by yourself with a bottle of Jameson's and your Twitter feed, and you watch Question Time and imbibe until the staid predictability of mainstream political debate is at all bearable. The rules are subject to amendment, but the principles of the game are sound. While the stirring theme music plays, you down your drink and attempt to do the Dimble Dance, which looks like a cabinet minister having a spasm in an Eighties disco, setting the tone nicely.

You then proceed to drink on the following occasions: every time the veteran chairman, David Dimblebly, attempts to crack a joke. Every time David Dimbleby confuses the gender of a questioner from the audience. Every time David Dimbleby says: "I'm afraid that's all we've got time for". Every time a contributor uses the phrase "political correctness gone mad". Every time a government panellist informs the audience that they "don't really understand what we're trying to do".

You drink again every time a minister blames anything on "the mess Labour left us in", and if the vanishing credibility of this sound bite as an excuse for imposed austerity elicits boos from the audience, which it usually does, you drink twice. This should leave you nicely battered by the time there's a break in questions for Dimbleby to say, with all the confident self-mastery of an Englishman attempting to buy condoms in a Croatian chemist's, "if you'd like to follow us on Twitter, here's our hashtag".

You get to down your drink whenever anyone echoes the sentiment "we're all in this together", or its less cheesy variant "we all have to tighten our belts". This is the most tiresomely enormous lie of our times -- the notion that we've all been living merrily beyond our means and deserve to suffer the consequences together. We may have all been to the same pre-crash party, but some were enjoying the free champagne while the rest of us stood serving drinks and smiling as our money was gambled away.

Now that the inevitable hangover has arrived, it's the rest of us who have to suffer. Meanwhile, our representatives shuffle and equivocate. Unfortunately, the fact that we can have a drinking game based on a few stock platitudes and still be proto-paralytic by the time the credits roll on Question Time says a great deal about the robustness of political debate in Westminster.

Tags: Dimble Dance Question Time UK Politics

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73 comments

Wed, 2011-07-13 15:14 — PJ (not verified)

They pay you to write this dross?

Mon, 2011-07-11 23:19 — Richard (not verified)

I wish Laurie would start smoking tailor-made ciggies, and not roll-ups. At least then she'd have room on the back of a proper fag packet to formulate her crap articles, rather than on the inside of a Rizla packet. This article is simply too crap, even by Laurie's lamentably weak standards.

Tue, 2011-07-12 00:00 — Mr Neurosceptic (not verified)

Laurie clearly doesn't know that i created the very first Dimbledance and it has nothing to do with any drinking game.

Get your facts right Ms. Penny :)

Lots of love,

@Mr_Neurosceptic xxx

Tue, 2011-07-12 00:13 — Sleepy (not verified)

Silly woman. Don't you know that THIS is the Dimbledance...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mc4OZFXNSGY

Tue, 2011-07-12 00:48 — Mr. Divine (not verified)

Alexis, you called me a 'directionless little loser'

You are making fun of dwarfs or little people and calling them losers. I don't discriminate against dwarfs and call them losers but you obviously think differently. Just because you are taller than other people doesn't mean that you're a winner and they are losers.

Alexis, you are a heightist as well as a racist.

Tue, 2011-07-12 02:23 — Ivan White

Enjoyable article from Laurie - why don't some of the moaning minnies see if they can do any better?

The worst things about 'Question Time' are (a) Dimbleby's smugness and complacency, and (b) when they drag up that dreary right-wing nonentity called Ruth Lea.

http://cuttingedgeuk.proboards.com/index.cgi

Fri, 2011-07-15 18:50 — andyg (not verified)

@ Mr Div
LOL

Tue, 2011-07-12 02:43 — Mrs.Josephine Hyde-Hartley (not verified)

test

Tue, 2011-07-12 02:47 — Mrs.Josephine Hyde-Hartley (not verified)

But proto-paralytical?

Sounds as bit too hyper-localised perhaps, in terms of who, where and what we may or may not be up to in our work/life balances.

It's not surprising people don't understand what's going on amongst all this trendy speak.

Wed, 2011-07-13 17:38 — Spud Middleton (not verified)

"please just browse our website Quality is our Dignity;

Service is our Lift."

"Service is our lift"?

WTF does that mean?

Quality is our Dignity???

Who writes this shit? How can anyone with any dignity come out with bollocks like this?

I bet it's another hopeless fuckin Oxbridge smart-arse. Get a proper job you moron.

Wed, 2011-07-13 17:48 — Spud Middleton (not verified)

Mr D

re. Dinky Dave...did you make that up?

Btw, if you're so set on bigging up little people, why no mention of Napoleon, Hitler or Attila the Hun? Also, I believe Laurie Penny's only 4ft 8. I've heard she he can't even reach the top shelf in Waitrose where they keep the organic sun-dried couscous...and yet the power she wields on the "keyboard of destiny" will one day shake the world.

Maggie Thatcher "the Milk Snatcher"'s picture

Wed, 2011-07-13 17:48 — Maggie Thatcher "the Milk Snatcher" (not verified)

You forgot to mention the interesting part about incessantly masturbating and smearing your poo across the walls.

p.s. When did Jameson's start doing alcopops?

Wed, 2011-07-13 18:13 — andyg (not verified)

@ mashed potatoe.
You've got kids. Bloody hell there's hope for the good looking blokes then.
As for Dinky Dave he now works in a stage play called the wizard of Oz. Umpa lumpa or something. My mate tiny tim told me.
And "quality is dignity" hmmmm yeah I agree it's bollocks like the article.

Wed, 2011-07-13 18:22 — andyg (not verified)

@ mash makes smash
By the way if your thinking of going to the theatre with all those kids, tiny Tim is playing Dorothy and Dinky's the one with the squeeky voice. Please don't be cross with your next reply or I might call the CSA. Now there's a bit of thought provocation, you've just reminded me those twats have'nt been in the news lately and neither have fathers for justice. Is that all over and done with?

Thu, 2011-07-14 19:32 — andyg (not verified)

@ Mr Divine
That was the whole point you loaf. Oh sorry, thick cut.
And leave us small people alone. I am 3ft 6inches in my heels.
Curly once played the wicked witch of the south you know.Salt eventually did him in.

Tue, 2011-07-12 10:58 — BruceL (not verified)

I like it! But you'd get drunk much quicker if you did the same thing for Prime Minister's question time, e.g.
- every time he lies
- every time he avoids the question
- every time he blames someone else
- every time he quotes the "good work" of his party
etc.

Tue, 2011-07-12 11:41 — Robert Taggart

LP - would you be looking for a drinking partner ? even one of the opo sex ? !
(give us a call !-)).

Wed, 2011-07-13 20:35 — Mr Danger

LAURIE PENNIE DRINKING GAME: 1 sip for each of the following.

Note that alcohol poisoning is a likely consequence.

- sneering references to the middle classes

- economically illiterate comments (e.g. pay off the deficit)

- Factual inaccuracy

- prolier than thou fakery ( e.g. references to "the rest of us", as if the Penny family were hard up)

- poseur references to how alienated she is by mainstream media, culture, etc.

- facile and naive solutions to complex problems (if we could just solve tax evasion, we'd clear £100bn a year!)

***bonus points if published at the tax dodging Guardian

- Damning comments towards any form of popular culture that is actually popular (e.g. "football is commodified nationalism that excludes more than half the population" "Beyonce-branded pseudo-empowerment bullshit")

- wild exaggerations ("gutting welfare")

Wed, 2011-07-13 21:15 — andyg (not verified)

@ Mr Danger
I quite agree but the reak reason she writes this drivel is because she has nothing else. In other words she's trying to impress. Can you imagine if someone wrote Giassou, psomi or simera? People would say what, but if you write the odd French word here and there people say wow. I say load of bollocks. If you've something to say then get it out, but at least make it thought provoking. The shite above is just that and whoever paid for it publishing needs to look in the mirror like Mr mash potatoe above. I can't stand Mr Divine but at least he's honest enough and for that I will digest his comments. No wat a meen guvnor.

Thu, 2011-07-14 23:44 — Mr. Divine (not verified)

@andyg: 'That was the whole point'

What, to tell everyone you are stupid as everyone thinks. Every time you write it is hard to understand what your point is. Your English is all over the place and your attempts at humour are pathetic.

'Curly once played the wicked witch of the south you know.Salt eventually did him in'

Jesus wept, this is crap andyg.

Thu, 2011-07-14 00:01 — Mr. Divine (not verified)

@andyg: 'the shite above is just that'

Above what you wrote andyg are your own words! Don't be so self-critical. Just because everyone else thinks your words are shite doesn't mean you should too.

Tue, 2011-07-12 13:42 — Mr. Divine (not verified)

What's your number?

Tue, 2011-07-12 13:43 — Mr. Divine (not verified)

Robert; why not nip over to my place for a few? My parents wont mind.

Thu, 2011-07-14 00:17 — Giga (not verified)

I took a shot every time there was a built-in left wing loony bias on the panel, but I nearly ended up an alcoholic.

Polly "Hysterical Oh Won't You Please Think Of Us Poor People" Toynbee clearly still has lots of friends in her previous employers, given she spends so much time away from her Tuscan Villa to sit on the panel attacking Murdoch and the Conservatives and the rich bankers - always taking care to merge the three, even when News International was in bed with Labour and Brooks was slumbering round Chequers with bff's Gordon and Sarah.

Tue, 2011-07-12 13:45 — Mr. Divine (not verified)

Bring Alexis and her pop corn along with you. We'll watch Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and every time one of the dwarfs gives Snow White the eye we'll drown a can of Four X and eat four of Alexis' pop corns.

Thu, 2011-07-14 00:20 — Steve (not verified)

Laurie, didn't you steal this from @DIMBLEBOT on Twitter?

No wonder you were so rabid in your defence of that plagiarising thief David R of Meth... sorry, Johann Hari.....

Thu, 2011-07-14 00:48 — Johnty (not verified)

Laurie you plagiarised this from someone on Twitter. Where do you credit the source?

Your mate Johan would be proud. If he wasn't busy watching gay incest porn, that is. Alledgedly.

Thu, 2011-07-14 00:50 — David r from Meth Productions (not verified)

Laurie stole this from me. I was told it by the late Winston Churchill when we had dinner last week.

Mon, 2011-07-11 13:27 — Lou (not verified)

What utter drivel. Do grow up.

Mind you, I might operate the same principles every time you do an article and I can guarantee I'll be pissed within a paragraph of thesaurus sourced circumlocution

Mon, 2011-07-11 13:28 — AstroGirl (not verified)

Cricket fans have their own version of this - #BoycottBingo, also based around a venerable BBC broadcasting institution.

Whenever the opinionated former cricketer appears on the Test Match Special, and repeats one of a number of his favourite stock phrases, the entirety of the Twitter-using cricket community shouts 'House!' and other suitably ripping ripostes, such as "I've got all four corners now!"

Other members of the TMS team are in on the joke and actively encourage him to discuss how his mum could have caught that in her pinny, or to mention 'the corridor of uncertainty'.

One enterprising fan even came up with a sample bingo card, which made it onto the TMS Flickr stream here: http://bit.ly/acqokf

It has not yet, as far as I know, become a drinking game, although a few handy glasses of Pimms, G&Ts, pints of real ale or whatever is your cricketing tipple of choice could certainly enliven the India Test series in a few weeks...

Mon, 2011-07-11 13:51 — Dave C (not verified)

It's just a version of Bullshit Bingo, where you cross out a square on your card when the drone giving the PowerPoint presentation comes up with another dreadful management-speak cliché.

Mon, 2011-07-11 13:53 — Ellis (not verified)

The BBC website stores 12 months of past Question Time episodes. With this game in mind I predict a Question Time marathon will be on the card for the weekend.

Or alternatively I could wait until after Question Time for This Week and down a shot everytime Andrew Neil cracks a joke and I predict I would not survive the first quarter.

Thu, 2011-07-14 02:31 — Mr. Divine (not verified)

Spud: I like to publicise lesser known little people like Curly Colin the Canadian Curling Champion of the 1920s.

The curling rules at the time said that contestants must chuck the stone before their feet reached a certain line. They didn't say anything about letting go.

Because he was a dwarf Curly Colin was able to jump on board the stone and ride it to the button (the middle) of the ice target without his feet touching the ice. His sweeping team mates would then pick up Curly and take him back before the line.

As Curly was riding the stone he was able to manoeuvre the stone more accurately by steering it and pressing up and down his weight. His sweeping team mates didn't need to sweep but merely lift him off.

The heightist powers didn't like a little person winning and so changed the rules, and Curly slipped down the rankings.

Curly took to drinking little sips of Canadian Dry when a competitor shot wayward stones and exclaiming, " I would have got that rock into the button easily".

Does that answer your question?

Wed, 2011-07-20 13:27 — A meadows (not verified)

regarding Diane Abbott , she now sits with Michael Portillo on this week, Sure he was agiasnt Iraq, Pro gay right's before The tories were, agiasnt 42 days, and agaisnt the death penalty, and despite his mentor Margaret thatcher backing david davis for the 2005 election he' s backed cameron

Thu, 2011-07-14 04:34 — Szwagier (not verified)

This post tells me that Laurie Penny is Liz Jones in drag.

Ladies, Gentlemen, Citizens all. Murdoch, Desmond & Dacre's debasement of journalism has led us to this. We should be on our knees thanking them for Laurie Penny.
Without them we'd never have been exposed to her. God bless us all, every one.

Tue, 2011-07-12 16:20 — Freeman2

What an interesting piece this could have been if, say, Johann Hari had pasted it. Full of quotes from Robin Day, Churchill, Himmler, Attlee...

Sat, 2011-07-16 01:28 — Mr. Divine (not verified)

You drive me to drink andyg, you really do. At least you have a sense of humour and an ability to take insults with a grain of salt.

Mon, 2011-07-11 14:37 — Amber (not verified)

how interesting, (not)

Tue, 2011-07-12 16:43 — Mike Shaw (not verified)

Okay Laurie, okay NS.

Where the hell is Westimster?

Mon, 2011-07-11 14:48 — guy_debord

I used to enjoy a bit of QT but I just can't bring myself to watch it now. It just makes me too angry. It isn't even a partisan thing really, rather than the whole show seems designed to give (for the most part) spectacularly ill informed members of the public the illusion that they are involved in political discourse and that there are actually public fora to hold politicians and elites to account.

For their part the panelists are (again, for the most part) such non-entities, far from actual power (Grant Shaps, Sarah Teather anyone??)offered up as sacrifice. With a few pig-ignorant captains of industry/vainglorious journos/celebrities thrown in for good measure.

All so at the end of it though, everyone can congratulate themselves on buttressing the illusion that we live in a participatory democracy and that it works. Bravo indeed.

Oh and don't forget to keep those tweets coming in....

Tue, 2011-07-12 18:07 — Spud Middleton (not verified)

"Enjoyable article from Laurie - why don't some of the moaning minnies see if they can do any better?"

"moaning minnies"...wasn't that one of Thatcher's favourite expressions?

I wouldn't mind having a go as it happens, only my time-machine's in for its annual service...so I can't go back in time and get myself ensconced with an upper-middle class family who'll give me a private education and put me through Oxbridge...so the mainstream media's more or less out of the question I'm afraid.

And to be fair...how am I expected to understand what's really going on...with real people...when I haven't enjoyed the privileged, elitist upbringing and education which appears the sine qua non of knowing what's really goin' down on the street?

Tue, 2011-07-12 18:08 — andyg (not verified)

@ Mr Divine.
What fun we could have with this tall guy who keeps getting his mucking fords wuddled.

Mon, 2011-07-11 15:18 — Alexis (not verified)

@Laurie - I usually watch QT with a face pack on and I have a bowl of popcorn ready.

If Mad mel, kelvin mackenzie or Douglas murray are on I usually have a sick bag nearby as well.

Tue, 2011-07-12 18:43 — Spud Middleton (not verified)

"Just because you are taller than other people doesn't mean that you're a winner and they are losers."

Unless it's a "who's the tallest contest" or "who can reach the highest?" or maybe even basketball Mr D.

You might have realised this if you weren't so fuckin 'directionless'. I'd say you better get yourself a bit of direction ASAP Mr D.

North West's a favourite of mine...or Left...Up's not bad either.
If I were you though...a relative newbie to the "direction sector"...I'd tend to steer clear of "down the toilet", "up the creek", "downward spiral" or "round and round in circles". These are best left to the experienced professional.

But FFS man...get a direction. People will take you far more seriously...and women love it. I've lost count of the admiring glances I inspire as I stride purposefully toward a brighter tomorrow (another one best left to the veteran...in case you were tempted...learn to walk before you can run Mr D.)

Mon, 2011-07-11 15:23 — Mr. Divine (not verified)

IS that because you're a racist Alexis?

Mon, 2011-07-11 15:45 — Balwal (not verified)

Whenever David Dimbleby tells the panellist to be quick with their answer due to time running out - Smash your head with a brick

Whenever Nigel Farage blames britains problems including infertility, Cod levels in the North sea or Michael Jackson dying on being part of the EU - Take a swig of larger

Whenever Robert Mugabe, Nick Griffin or Tony Hayward get booed by the audience - Enjoy the relaxing taste of a cold Guiness mmmm...

Whenever a panelist does'nt answer the god damn questions - inject yourself with industrial ethanol.

Whenever Mehdi pulls that stupid face when anyone disagrees with him -Drink two cans of Strongbow as fast as you can

Whenever Andrew Neil mentions the "Land of nod" "Thanks for staying awake" "Off to BED-forshire" or any other late night reference - Put a packet of space dust in your dog's mouth and watch its reaction. Trust me, it's worth it.

Tue, 2011-07-12 19:21 — andyg (not verified)

@ The mashed Spud
Alexis is really Alex, a tall lanky bloke who's always on these blogs. He doesn't stand proud to attention either, a bit like yourself.

Tue, 2011-07-12 19:42 — Spud Middleton (not verified)

"He doesn't stand proud to attention either, a bit like yourself."

You implying I'm impotent? If only...I've got more kids than I can shake a fuckin stick at...which'll no doubt be nice when they piss off and start earning.

..and why are you telling me who Alexis is? How is this relevant...and why do I want to know?..and how do you know he's tall and lanky?

Mon, 2011-07-11 16:13 — Simon Burrows (not verified)

Hahahaha... drinking games based on TV shows... WHATEVER WILL THEY THINK OF NEXT!?

I think this was more suited to the local student rag rather than the NS...

Tue, 2011-07-12 21:41 — Briar (not verified)

So suppose we actually get QT panellists who represent the full spectrum of views in the electorate, not just the dominant middle? Suppose we get pacifists to talk about our endless wars, and query the assumption that lads who join up for the thrill of the kill are automatically heroes? Socialists to talk about social justice? Greens to talk about alternative energy, and so on. Suppose all the ignored, suppressed and denied opinions finally get an airing - do we break out the champagne or sober up to revel in honest debate at last? Perhaps we should do the latter, because by the next week we will be back to the usual suspects - government, opposition, tory press pundit and one licensed alternative view, provided they aren't "extreme". George Monbiot or Mark Lynas, championing nuclear power, maybe.