Wanted: polite short people adept at holding hands with footballers, with £700 to spare.
The President has published 17 books. Big win! Giles Smith ploughed through 5,000 pages of anecdotes, grievances, business “wisdom” and “truthful hyperbole” to try to uncover what drives him.
The moths dispersed in the second half, but at least they'd given us something to talk about.
Match becoming a grind? Cut to the managers: our dazzling, finger-sniffing rock-stars-in-waiting.
Try as I might, I just can’t make myself care about the England football team.