Hello. Have you seen today’s Daily Mail cover? It is wrong. Very wrong. So wrong that if you have seen today’s Daily Mail cover, you no doubt immediately turned to the person nearest to you to ask: “Have you seen today’s Daily Mail cover? It is wrong.”
— Neil Henderson (@hendopolis) March 23, 2017
But just how wrong is the wrong Mail cover? Let me count the ways.
- Why does it say “web” and not “the web”?
- Perhaps they were looking on a spider’s web and to be honest that makes more sense because
- How does it take TWO MINUTES to use a search engine to find out that cars can kill people?
- Are the Mail team like your Year 8 Geography teacher, stuck in an infinite loop of typing G o o g l e . c o m into the Google search bar, the search bar that they could’ve just used to search for the thing they want?
- And then when they finally typed G o o g l e . c o m, did they laboriously fill in their search term and drag the cursor to click “Search” instead of just pressing Enter?
- The Daily Mail just won Newspaper of the Year at the Press Awards
- Are the Daily Mail – Newspaper of the Year – saying that Google should be banned?
- If so, do they think we should ban libraries, primary education, and the written word?
- Sadly, we know the answer to this
- Google – the greatest source of information in the history of human civilisation – is not a friend to terrorists; it is a friend to teachers, doctors, students, journalists, and teenage girls who aren’t quite sure how to put a tampon in for the first time
- Upon first look, this cover seemed so obviously, very clearly fake
- Yet it’s not fake
- It’s real
- More than Google, the Mail are aiding terrorists by pointing out how to find “manuals” online
- While subsets of Google (most notably AdSense) can be legitimately criticised for profiting from terrorism, the Mail is specifically going at Google dot com
- Again, do they want to ban Google dot com?
- Do they want to ban cars?
- Do they want to ban search results about cars?
- Because if so, where will that one guy from primary school get his latest profile picture from?
- Are they suggesting we use Bing?
- Why are they, once again, focusing on the perpetrator instead of the victims?
- The Mail is 65p
- It is hard to believe that there is a single person alive, Mail reader or not, that can agree with this headline
- Three people wrote this article
- Three people took two minutes to find out cars can drive into people
- Trees had to die for this to be printed
- It is the front cover of the Mail