View all newsletters
Sign up to our newsletters

Support 110 years of independent journalism.

  1. Politics
  2. The Staggers
16 January 2019

David Cameron running away from questions about Brexit is the most disappointing thing I’ve seen in ages

You could at least tread in some dog poo or something, you sod.

By Jonn Elledge

What the blinking, bollocking hell is wrong with the man? Can this shed-bound pillar of ham not do anything right?

I’ll back up a bit. David Cameron – Eton, Oxford, Downing Street, a man so competent he enabled a mid-sized row in the Conservative party to metastasise into the biggest national crisis since Time named Hitler as its man of the year – has been talking about Brexit. He has not, obviously, been enjoying talking about Brexit, for the understandable reason that he a) called the referendum that allowed it to happen, and b) lost it, before c) buggering off into the sunset like a particularly mournful looking arsonist.

Anyway: his comments to BBC news this morning led the broadcaster’s political editor Laura Kuenssberg to tweet the following:

David Cameron! Using the word “running” and then instantly running away! The irony! The cowardice! The bliss!

So I clicked through to the film, in the hope of some light relief from the slow-motion collapse of my country, and what I got instead was… fine. The former prime minister of the United Kingdom answers some questions. His answers are not particularly interesting, but to be fair neither were the questions. No, he doesn’t regret the referendum. Yes, the Prime Minister has his full support. Well what else was he going to say? “Of course I regret the fact I’m going down in history as the man who pressed the big red button marked PLAGUE OF SHIT, but even so, fuck me, Theresa’s screwed this right up hasn’t she?” It’s never gonna happen.

But that’s OK, because I wasnt there for the answers. I was there for the running away part: that was why I’d bought my ticket, to watch Cameron running, scared, shamed, frightened even. And herein lies the problem:

He doesn’t run.

I mean, he doesn’t walk, either, but his gait doesn’t make it so far up the speedometer to qualify as a jog. I guess you could call it a trot.

At any rate: there’s no massive urgency about it, he just looks like a man who’s keen to finish crossing the road before the lights change. You get the impression he was a bit bored answering questions, but not that he found the fact they were being asked in any way uncomfortable. He just didn’t much fancy chatting any more.

Which is, y’know, what he always did. Back when he was PM, before everything was literally on fire, Cameron mastered the art of finishing an answer, giving a brisk nod and walking out of shot before the interviewer could say anything more. It was irritating mainly because it was so effective, but as a means of limiting risk without looking unaccountable it was top class.

This, though, feels like the final insult from Cameron. After all that he’s wrought – austerity, decay, the referendum, the increasingly terrifying mess that’s followed since – not only does he not seem bothered: worse, he doesn’t even make his lack of interest interesting. He just wanders off, into the background and out of our lives, probably thinking about his shed.

Screw you, dishface: screw you and the party you rode in on. And next time, at least have the good grace to trip over the kerb or something. Git. 

Content from our partners
The promise of prevention
How Labour hopes to make the UK a leader in green energy
Is now the time to rethink health and care for older people? With Age UK

Select and enter your email address Your weekly guide to the best writing on ideas, politics, books and culture every Saturday. The best way to sign up for The Saturday Read is via saturdayread.substack.com The New Statesman's quick and essential guide to the news and politics of the day. The best way to sign up for Morning Call is via morningcall.substack.com Our Thursday ideas newsletter, delving into philosophy, criticism, and intellectual history. The best way to sign up for The Salvo is via thesalvo.substack.com Stay up to date with NS events, subscription offers & updates. Weekly analysis of the shift to a new economy from the New Statesman's Spotlight on Policy team. The best way to sign up for The Green Transition is via spotlightonpolicy.substack.com
  • Administration / Office
  • Arts and Culture
  • Board Member
  • Business / Corporate Services
  • Client / Customer Services
  • Communications
  • Construction, Works, Engineering
  • Education, Curriculum and Teaching
  • Environment, Conservation and NRM
  • Facility / Grounds Management and Maintenance
  • Finance Management
  • Health - Medical and Nursing Management
  • HR, Training and Organisational Development
  • Information and Communications Technology
  • Information Services, Statistics, Records, Archives
  • Infrastructure Management - Transport, Utilities
  • Legal Officers and Practitioners
  • Librarians and Library Management
  • Management
  • Marketing
  • OH&S, Risk Management
  • Operations Management
  • Planning, Policy, Strategy
  • Printing, Design, Publishing, Web
  • Projects, Programs and Advisors
  • Property, Assets and Fleet Management
  • Public Relations and Media
  • Purchasing and Procurement
  • Quality Management
  • Science and Technical Research and Development
  • Security and Law Enforcement
  • Service Delivery
  • Sport and Recreation
  • Travel, Accommodation, Tourism
  • Wellbeing, Community / Social Services
Visit our privacy Policy for more information about our services, how New Statesman Media Group may use, process and share your personal data, including information on your rights in respect of your personal data and how you can unsubscribe from future marketing communications.
THANK YOU