Media 22 May 2020 Keep "three fridges" apart at all times – and other utterly arbitrary government measures Why didn’t they include "1.65 ottomans"? Flickr/70023venus2009 (Licensed under creative commons) Chilling effect. Sign UpGet the New Statesman\'s Morning Call email. Sign-up Hooray for the government! No 10 is finally answering coronavirus’s most crucial question, for the sake of our collective public health: how long is two metres? And, thankfully, there’s a really simple way to work it out without the Treasury coughing up for Serco-issued measuring tape or G4S pool noodles for every household! Here it is: Yep. To repeat, that’s one “bed” – you know that thing that famously doesn’t come in different sizes. Two “benches”. Duh, benches. There’s only one bench in this life, so just imagine two of that bench. Three “fridges”, which in all of our consciousnesses are imagined as completely uniform items and always come in a trio. No freezer questions allowed. And, of course, four “chairs”, the design of which doesn’t at all wildly vary. Because some readers may still be struggling with these furniture and white good guidelines, your mole has come up with a few clarifiers: 2 armoires 1.65 ottomans 2 upturned wooden boarding school trunks, lids removed 17 blenders 1.2 Gutenberg printing presses 4.5 chimoniers 49 Pogs™ A settee 2 simple 17th century handlooms 52 penne, end to end 7 Eighties Mackintosh desktops One Victorian era mangle, laid gently on its side 6 pouffes 29 garlic crushers, handles open You’re welcome! › Why did the government U-turn on NHS surcharges for immigrant staff? I'm a mole, innit. Subscribe For more great writing from our award-winning journalists subscribe for just £1 per month!