No, Theresa May – “running through wheat fields” is not the naughtiest thing you’ve done

How about vans threatening migrants with deportation? The scamp!

NS

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Oh, Prime Minister. Is there not a single interview question you can answer without appearing like a quietly malfunctioning robot?

Seemingly not. For on ITV Tonight’s leader interview, Theresa May was asked to recount the naughtiest thing she ever did, and went into overdrive.

Watch it here:

“Oh goodness me, erm,” was her first response, algorithm failing. “I, well, I suppose the, uh…” Panic setting in, systems overheating. “Gosh, I – do you know, I’m not quite sure.”

When pushed again to adopt human status, May added: “Well, nobody is ever perfectly behaved are they?” before the shocking revelation: “I mean, you know, I have to confess, when me and my friends sort of used to run through the fields of wheat, the farmers weren’t too pleased about that.”

And there’s the moment the Tories lost the 2017 election. When the nation realised it was being run by a crazed monster who showed a flimsy respect for arable farming during childhood. Disgusting.

And not only that, your mole thinks May has been much naughtier even than that:

What a scamp!

I'm a mole, innit.