What jokes would The Canary allow Charlie Brooker to make about Jeremy Corbyn?

Humourwipe.

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Journalist and TV presenter Charlie Brooker has come under intense scrutiny for mocking Jeremy Corbyn in his 2016 Wipe – the latest instalment of his annual dose of spiky mockery of the past year.

And by “intense scrutiny”, your mole is of course referring to that great organ of free expression, the nation’s last bastion of speaking truth to power, The Canary. Yes, those click-thirsty conspiracy mongers over on the alt left “news” site have written a DEVASTATING BLOG POST about what Brooker’s show should and shouldn’t have said about the Labour leader and other politicians.

The piece takes issue with an Ant and Dec pun Brooker makes in an aside about Corbyn being unable to recognise the presenting duo: “If you think that’s tough, try getting him to recognise Ant n’ Semitism.”

Your mole’s chuckles at this quip at the time could be heard in neighbouring burrows.

But The Canary was not amused. “The quip cements a fabricated smear campaign from media pundits, the pro-Israel lobby, Conservative MPs, and Blairites who all have a common enemy: Corbyn,” it moaned, before going on to complain that Brooker dared mention “Traingate” – that beautiful time in August when Corbyn sat on the floor of a train for a little bit and then Virgin produced some CCTV footage suggesting there were seats available.

This Twitter conversation between the writer of the cutting-edge investigation and Brooker is particularly revealing, with Brooker at long last admitting: “We originally planned a 25min pro-Corbyn musical number but our shadowy Blairite handlers insisted we scrap it.”

The Canary argues Brooker should have made more jokes about Theresa May, although it does admit: “No one is asking political items to be ‘pro-Corbyn’.”

So, as some baffled commentators have been asking, what kind of digs would it accept at the Labour leader’s expense? Here are a few suggestions:

How many Jeremy Corbyns does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Jeremy Corbyn inspires change from within.

*

What’s the difference between Jeremy Corbyn and Owen Smith?

Principles!

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Why did Jeremy Corbyn cross the road?

Because the trains had all been privatised.

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

There was a coup against Jeremy Corbyn on the other side!

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How do you tell the difference between Jesus and Jeremy Corbyn?

The MSM only crucified Christ once.

*

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Jeremy.

Jeremy who?

Is that the Blairite commentariat pre-September 2015 at the door?

*

Jeremy Corbyn walks into a bar. The barman asks: “Why the long history of campaigning against all forms of racism?”

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What’s black, white and red all over?

Jeremy Corbyn’s favourite newspaper!

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Doctor, doctor – I feel like Jeremy Corbyn!

So do I. It’s time for a real alternative to the neoliberal consensus.

*

An Englishman, a Welshman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. “What’ll it be?” asks the barman. “We all want the same thing,” they reply in unison. “A Labour leader who supports a wider discussion about devolution policy across the whole of the UK.”

“Jeremy Corbyns all round then!”

*

What do you call a man with two left feet?

Jeremy Corbyn when he’s kicking the establishment!
 

You're welcome, Charlie.

I'm a mole, innit.