11 December 2025

Reform fears Zack Polanski

My final dose of gossip from around Westminster

Besieged by historical racism accusations, Nigel Farage ends the political year rattled and pondering how to handle fellow populist Zack Polanski. Keir Starmer, who is fighting for his political life, and marooned Kemi Badenoch aren’t considered significant threats by Reform’s autocrat, but the Greens’ messiah is. Farage confided in a Westminster mover-and-sharker that the eco-populist’s punchiness makes him dangerous in head-to-heads. In turn, broadcasters whisper to Polanski that both Richard Tice and Zia Yusuf prefer to avoid him. Polanski may have a long wait for his offer to debate Tice in the Talbot, a Blackpool social club that defected to Reform from the Conservatives, to be accepted. Tice rejected a Polanski invitation to lock horns at Glastonbury, burbling that it wasn’t a safe space. Reform snowflake. The lesson for Starmer, concluded a Labour adviser, is to show Farage no respect, instead of imitating Reform over migration.

Workers at Reform’s offices are getting an early Christmas, thanks to vice-chair Paul “Nutty” Nuttall, the former Ukip leader. Nuttall is playing Santa by closing HQs at Millbank and Ashby-de-la-Zouch on 19 December and not reopening until 4 January to give staff a lengthy break. He clashed with Reform Scrooges who wanted to keep turquoise elves slaving away until 23 December. The decision may have something to do with Nuttall’s work-life balance. He still lives near his native Liverpool and regularly travels south to work in the two bases. Foghorn Nuttall was recently overheard on a train to the capital complaining to potential voters about how much he hates London and the Tube, and far prefers his time in Ashby-de-la-Zouch. Polling suggests much of London feels the same about Reform. Imagine the hard right’s response if a local authority gave toilers as long a break.

Emboldened by the return of the whip to rebels recalled from the naughty step and victory in the two-child benefit cap battle, Labour’s Socialist Campaign Group of MPs are to wear their own badge of honour. Faction secretary Richard Burgon was advised to go back to the drawing board after his first design was likened to a children’s TV competition consolation prize. One said a punchy lapel pin with an edgy vibe is desired. Will calling each other comrade and saluting with a clenched right fist follow?

Confused Badenoch has trouble remembering which day of the week it is. On Saturday she posted a picture of herself chinwagging with customers at the Hub at Sparling’s Farm, a bar and restaurant near Braintree, Essex. The Tory leader wearing an apron evoked memories of claiming she “became working class” as a teen by taking a McDonald’s job, and predecessor Rishi Sunak’s Covid turn as a waiter during the Treasury’s eat-out-to-help-spread-the-virus initiative. Badenoch wrote on X that she got stuck in for Small Business Saturday. Fair enough, except the photo was taken on Friday.

Hostile peers seeking to kill Kim Leadbeater’s assisted dying bill with 1,000-plus amendments are taking return fire. Labour peer Luciana Berger wishes to raise the minimum eligible age to 25. Baby of the House, Sam Carling (23), fumed: “The suggestion that adults under the age of 25 are not capable of weighing up complex information or making a clear, informed decision about the end of their lives is patronising in the extreme.” Tory peer and historian Andrew Roberts, a sprightly 62, chipped in: “Pain, cancer and terminal illness are no respecters of either youth or age. William Pitt the Younger was prime minister aged 24 and to withhold the right to choose an assisted death from someone his age is both cruel and absurd.” Leadbeater’s opponents are killing political satire.

Polite revolutionary James Schneider, a perpetually unfazed aide to Jeremy Corbyn during magic grandpa’s turbulent Labour leadership days, may have taken a formal step back from Your Party madness but he’s keeping one foot in the game. According to insiders, the Bollinger Bolshevik occasionally joins members of Corbyn’s team and Your Party staffers for five-a-side football matches. You can take the man out of Your Party, etc.

Heavy netting that was stretched over the underside of Portcullis House’s splintering glass roof to prevent cracking panes lacerating people below reminded one Westminster inmate of anti-suicide mesh over prison landings. Another quipped it’s to save desperate Labour MPs jumping from offices above. Ho ho ho.

Ta very much to the legion of eagle-eyed snouts, radar-lugged informants and Schadenfreude sources because, just shy of 21 years, this is my final Commons Confidential. I’ve had a blast crafting close to 900 weekly columns and 5,500 tales since January 2005, but the editor’s agreed I’m owed time off for bad behaviour, so soon I’ll be writing elsewhere in the New Statesman. Goodbye for now, before hello again in 2026.

[Further reading: Starmer still lacks a true mission]