Rupert Lowe mistaking a charity rowing crew on the Norfolk coast for Channel small-boat crossers raises questions over his attention to detail now he’s on a Public Accounts Committee scrutinising the state finances. Desperate for a Reform defector to shore up the party’s leaking starboard, the sinking Tories gifted the hard-right howler, sitting as an independent after acrimoniously parting ways with Reform, one of its prized berths on the prestigious parliamentary body in the hope he jumps aboard. Suella Braverman’s mentor John Hayes and committee chair Geoffrey Clifton-Brown are schmoozing Lowe, whispered a snout. Loose-cannon Lowe was Elon Musk’s pick for Reform leader and raging Rupe declared Farage “must never be prime minister”. Kemikaze Badenoch clearly agrees. Saner Tories fear Lowe would be a disastrous recruit.
Conservative front-bench flag-waver Andrew Rosindell is complaining he’s mistaken for Keir Starmer. The Tory MP, champion of a potential pact with Reform, revealed members of the public occasionally think he’s the prime minister. Rosindell blames his glasses. One scathing Labour MP guffawed that the role of unofficial doppelgänger was the nearest the Romford right-whinger would ever get to No 10. There’s no word on whether Starmer intends to sue for defamation.
David Cameron, never a Stakhanovite when he was in Downing Street and Chequers, strolls casually around the House of Lords as if he’s honorary president of a country club, I hear. My snout spotted Baron Cameron of Chipping Norton sauntering along a corridor in washing-machine-fresh white tennis shorts and socks. To be fair to the former PM and foreign secretary, Cameron wasn’t carrying a racquet so it might have been squash gear. Either way, it’s nice he hasn’t changed.
Home Secretary Shabana Mahmood’s appointment – technically election, but without the democracy when votes are stitched in advance – as chair of Labour’s National Executive Committee passed largely under the radar. The post gives Mahmood a tight grip over party machinery. Which is handy for any cabinet minister who might fancy themselves heir to the ultimate crown. But how will she find time away from a hectic day job? “Shabana wants to be PM so nothing these days gets in the way of that,” purred an admirer.
Under-pressure parliamentarians have a new outlet to relieve stress: an MPs’ yoga club. Labour backbenchers Yuan Yang and former personal trainer Kim Leadbeater have invited colleagues to bend and twist in the gym. A degree of flexibility is crucial to the political career of every MP.
The cheers that once followed Boris Johnson have been replaced by jeers. The partygate liar and his third wife, Carrie, were recently spied in the trendy Notting Hill eaterie Chez Lui celebrating a chum’s birthday. When the cake and candles were brought out, a chorus of boos from around the restaurant were heard over the table’s “Happy Birthday” singing. This time, however, no Covid fixed-penalty notice was served.
Fractious and factional Your Party’s latest battleground is Nato. The old warhorse Jeremy Corbyn led Labour into the 2017 and 2019 elections with Labour manifestos promising to keep Britain in the organisation, yet his co-founder and, increasingly, rival, Zarah Sultana, wants to quit. Your Party’s remain-leave Nato split is part of a wider in-out division on the populist left. Green Party eco-socialist competitor Zack Polanski is a stayer. “The world is in turmoil; we need to make sure our country is defended,” he said. That triggered Sultana to hit back. “I’m sorry, you cannot greenwash Nato. The socialist position is that we must leave Nato immediately,” she exploded. Polanski’s Nato stance was shared widely on Twitter/X, including by Blackburn MP Adnan Hussain, Sultana’s comrade in the Independent Alliance and Your Party. “I think Zack has a very sensible approach to this question,” he posted. Your Party has said that no policies will be agreed until its conference. Nato could prove a red line some will not cross.
Burnley FC was Alastair Campbell’s club but former protégé Tim Allan appears to prefer more rarefied surroundings. I’ve heard on good authority that the smoothie moneybags PR, hired by Keir Starmer as executive director of communications, entertains in the £2,336-a-year RAC club on Pall Mall. It boasts an opulent Great Gallery, art deco Brooklands Room, Long Bar and Turkish baths. Labour spin has upgraded from Bovril and pies in the Tony Blair era to fine wines and canapés during Starmer’s.
The government is championing stronger workers’ rights yet the same can’t be said, alas, for all the party’s MPs. One has annoyed her staff by demanding medical appointments be taken as annual leave or the hours made up through overtime. Everything’s too good for the workers.
Is Bridget Phillipson trolling the private-school lobby with her shake-up of vocational education? V-levels alongside existing A-levels and T-levels will tax a fee-paying elite still gurgling over the introduction of VAT on private schools.
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[Further reading: Gavin Williamson throws Boris Johnson under the bus]
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This article appears in the 23 Oct 2025 issue of the New Statesman, Doom Loop