13 things to spend your Brexit 50p coins on now we’re leaving the EU

Leaving costs more than being an EU member so far, so you’ll need to save up a lot of loose change…

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1. 17,000 50ps will buy you 10,000 tins of Heinz Baked Beans, to stockpile. Get hoarding!

2. 7,706 will buy you the materials to build your own nuclear fallout shelter entirely out of Ikea furniture.

3. 700 million 50ps a week to the NHS would fill in for the misleading Vote Leave bus campaign pledge. Bargain!

4. Seven coins will get you a 99p Mr Whippy with a flake if you’re lucky, if inflation soars to 4.2 per cent as expected in a no-deal scenario.

5. Six will get you ten Freddos (see logic above).

6. Who knows how many will buy you a solitary Euro after this – best to put a few aside…

7. Just three could buy you a “Quality Large Union Jack Flag 88cmx151cm 3ftx5ft” for a celebratory street party, which will also double up as your tent and bedding when there are no houses left.

8. 400 billion 50ps pay the price of leaving the European Union, whereas just 354 billion make up the entire cost of the UK’s net contributions since joining in 1973. Yep, that’s right, gather up your change, because Brexit will cost more than being a member has so far

9. 142 of these lovely shiny commemorative coins will buy you your average weekly grocery shop, if there’s no deal – that’s up from 116 50ps before Brexit. No-deal Brexit prices are expected to rise 22.5 per cent.

10. A hundred will allow you to enter the Conservative Party’s prize draw for a copy of the Withdrawal Agreement Bill signed by Boris Johnson (500 if for some reason you want to enter 50 times).

11. Just 24 will bag you an official Tory “Got Brexit Done 2020 Tea Towel” – perhaps you’d have to put some more 50ps aside to buy your own iron-on “2027” to allow time for a trade deal with the EU beyond the transition period though…

12. One million would get Big Ben’s bell to bong.

13. … Or you could just save up, bide your time, and around 260 million 50ps could buy you a nice new second EU referendum.

I'm a mole, innit.

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