“There’s boy jobs and girl jobs, you see!” One minute into the Prime Minister’s first joint interview with her husband and they are already tenderly reinforcing gender norms. You see, Philip takes the bins out, while Theresa runs an election campaign (and away from the public – which might be why she’s here now, to prove otherwise).
“I do the traditional boy jobs by and large,” Philip reminds us. However, in a devastating revelation to hardworking misogynists up and down the country, he does also warn that it’s sometimes tough to be married to a world leader: “If you’re the kind of man who expects his tea to be on the table at six o’clock every evening, you could be disappointed.”
The Mays have been telling all on The One Show, the BBC’s madcap daily dose of lurid sofas, overzealous presenters and stressfully irrelevant yet eccentric reports from around the UK.
“Quick one for you, Prime Minister: Banksy – art or criminal damage?” Matt Baker chirrups in what must his proudest segue all year. (“I think Banksy is art, though it’s not quite my cup of tea,” is the shock reply).
Then Theresa says a number of things like “Do what you think is right” and “Politics is about people” and “I wanted to make a difference” interspersed with clips of a sweaty Mel Giedroyc hamming it up in Ukraine for Eurovision, screenshots of tweets spiralling in and out of shot, and a man driving around yelling at graffiti.
Basically, in their interview, the Mays give us a faithful snapshot of an entire marriage: dutiful nodding and crushing banality. They even have a little tiff, about whether or not they’ve been to the top of a mountain in Snowdonia. “We have been up once,” notes Theresa. “We have,” concedes Philip. Guys, chill!
The PM gives the exclusive story behind her famed love of footwear: “I like buying nice shoes, and it gives me a reason for going and buying more.”
But what does Philip like to wear? “I quite like ties. Jackets, stuff like that. Normal.”
“Philip, did you fancy her instantly?” Alex Jones asks, finally cutting the crap, getting down and dirty.
“It was love at first sight,” gushes Philip, turning to his wife and holding both her hands.
“And likewise, then, Prime Minister?” Matt Baker prompts.
“And likewise. Yes,”
a spokesperson for the Conservative party Theresa May confirms. She also offers the revelation that she had a “stable” childhood. (Possibly also a strong one.)
And the question the nation is desperate to ask – what about the Prime Minister’s red box? “I don’t think it’s ever made an appearance in the bedroom,” Philip clarifies. And now over to EastEnders.