It was a quiet news week and then a royal princess had a baby. Every columnist and commentator in the land will want a piece of the action. To save you some time, here is every opinion piece to be published in the coming days.
A moment of national joy to celebrate. Britain is champion country of the world
Patriotism by numbers with a passive aggressive hint that failure to be moved by a royal birth means there is something shrivelled and ugly about your soul.
This monarchist carnival proves that we are a Conservative country, which is a good thing
David Cameron spoke for us all when he said “congratulations.” How dismal life must be for the tiny minority of joyless lefties shivering on the margins of our national identity.
This monarchist charade proves that we are a Conservative country, which is a bad thing
This is surely how Solzhenitsyn felt. We republicans are internal exiles and dissidents.
It just goes to show how class is dead
The Middletons are so middle class they even have “middle” in their name. What more proof do you need?
It just goes to show how class is alive and kicking
Oh Britain! How easily you are seduced into deference and feudalism.
This is the spawn of imperialism and don’t forget it
Hysterical rant about the evils of the British Establishment
Gotcha! Lefties hate babies – how dare Labour call itself compassionate
Gleeful denunciation of extreme republicans culminating in call for Ed Miliband to distance himself from a comment someone unconnected to the Labour party may have made on the internet.
He will be the Twitter King
Getting desperate now. What’s the social media angle?
He will not be the Twitter King
Oho, you all fell for the social media angle, but really this is a timeless thing that transcends faddish technology.
Leave the poor child and its parents alone
No-one should write about this anymore, apart from me and this, obviously.