Dear Marina
We live in a basement flat and it takes ages for washing to dry. Often clothes end up smelling of wet dog because they have been sitting on the rack being damp for so long. We don’t have a tumble drier and are reluctant to crank up the heating simply to dry clothes, as we try to be reasonably eco-sensible. But how can I avoid smelling like a wet dog and still save the planet?
Bob
What are you too proud to use the launderette? Eco wonks will tell you there’s an economy of scale with those industrial sized tumble dryers which means you dry more using less energy than domestic models. Granted they gobble up pound coins with a frenzy to rival an ADHD kid with a tube of Smarties. But there’s the social aspect to consider: launderettes are great places to make friends and search for lovers. It’s just so easy to strike up a conversation over why the washing powder dispenser is out of order yet again. Far easier than approaching a friendly face in a pub to ask: “Can I buy you a drink?” Especially if you smell like a wet dog.
Alternatively purchase second hand clothes and return them to charity shops after wear.
Dear Marina
It started with the gift of one goat. Then a whole herd arrived. They’ve eaten everything, including my children’s school uniforms. My wife is beside herself. Please, if you are as influential as I believe, tell your people to stop sending the goats.
M Ngogosi, Rwanda
Just eat the goats, Mr Ngogosi. I know an extremely robust recipe for goat curry which I’m happy to pass on.
It might interest you to know, a debate rages on these shores as to the wisdom of sending crates of livestock to drought-ridden, flood prone impoverished areas of the world just so we can stuff our faces on Christmas day having paid lip service to the starving millions.
I’m inviting those well wishers to send goats, cows and other assorted farm animals to Downing St instead, in protest at the lack of action since I bought a white wristband, friends who normally never win anything got tickets for Live Eight and world leaders muttered to Bob Geldof, within earshot of the media, that world poverty would be consigned to history.
Dear Marina
My local council refuses to use the word Christmas for fear of offending those of other religions. I understand you’re involved in local government. What’s your view?
Nigel, Birmingham.
I find it offensive to suggest that it’s a fear of offending. The truth is generally far more secular. Local authorities exist to house people, collect waste, and ensure education provision among other things. It is not, thank whichever god or goddess you care to invoke, the remit of councils to prop up ailing religious establishments.
If you are concerned your council’s semantic stand has somehow diminished the Spirit of Christmas, go celebrate the festival at your local church. Redemption shall be your salvation and it won’t cost council tax payers a penny.
Dear Marina,
I hear that under the guise of protecting birds there is to be an exclusion zone for cats in Surrey! Why shouldn’t those who can afford to buy expensive houses, for which they have worked hard, be able to relieve their stress at the end of the day by going home to the privacy of their own home to stroke their pussy?
Frustrated of Surrey
Why indeed? The fact is, developers want to build an extra 50,000 homes around the Thames Basin Heaths because so many people think living in Guildford or Woking is good as opposed to hardly anyone thinking that Northumberland or Hull is the place to be.
These heath lands are home to rare bird species such as the Dartford Warbler and the Nightjar, just one reason why the EU has pronounced the area one for ‘special protection.’ But the UK government would rather protect developers’ interests, understandable, given the huge donations building magnates make to the Labour Party – at least they did before the cash for peerages scandal ruffled feathers.
Now home buyers within a 300 square mile tract of prime Home Counties real estate …er, sorry, that should read unspoilt countryside…could be asked to leave pussy at the old house before moving in to a £350,000 Wimpy-style new build. I could ask how they intend policing the no cat policy: with an air gun?
Instead I will remind you that cats kill 55,000 birds a year in the UK, while the destruction of natural habitats kills off 100s of species a day worldwide. It’s an impurrrrrfect world, Mr Frustrated. But every little helps so my best suggestion to anyone wishing to prop up the cat food industry is to buy their pussy a bell.
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