Popstars

<em>Focus groups say women voters don't like Blair's jeans; the Tories are targeting "pebble-dash pe

We're young and fresh and simple

We're old and grey and charming

We're as pretty as a pimple

And our melodies are disarming

We sing in several voices

We tootle on brand new trumpets

We're the semi-people's choices

The unthinking person's crumpets

We're jumped-up, jokey, jazzy

We're the babes from Barnes and Bletchley

Our suits are clean and snazzy

We're the whizz-kids fresh from Sketchley

We're Monkees but less dreadful

And we always play the same set

We've got policies by the shedful

But they haven't got a name yet

This article first appeared in the 12 February 2001 issue of the New Statesman, Exclusive: how Labour could lose