22 July 2026

The World Cup is over. Now for the real awards

I’ll be 94 in 2030 – and still wearing my Scotland football shirt

Illustration by Charlotte Trounce

So that’s it then, all over for another four years. I do feel shattered, getting up at unnatural hours, and I’ve lost so much patience with Ingerland.

In one sense, it was all unnecessary. The top four ranked countries before the World Cup – 1, France; 2, Spain; 3, Argentina; 4, England – all ended up in the semis. Instead of 104 World Cup games, Fifa could just have had four, and saved millions of fans from travelling around the world, spending fortunes, and having to watch Gianni Infantino’s sleek chops on the big screen. And the rest of us at home could have had more sleep.

But, ah, the fun, excitement, pleasures and pains the world has enjoyed these past six weeks! I’m sure even the Scottish fans, if they’ve got themselves home, don’t regret going. ’Twas a great occasion.

Now, let us get on with the awards. Stay calm…

Best goal. Probably because it’s still in my head, but Jude Bellingham’s goal in England’s third-place game against France. France had played rubbish and England were 4-0 up, but then England allowed France to score three goals. I was thinking, oh no, here we go again, then Jude got the ball in his own half, moved forward, and bingo – what a fab goal.

Best team. It has to be Spain. Not just because they were the winners, but because from the beginning they looked the most fluent, organised, confident, positive.

Most surprising. Cape Verde. Who would have thought they would do so well? In second, Scotland, just for getting there, and having the best fans.

Best haircut. Longest was Marc Cucurella of Spain, but we knew that from when he played for Chelsea. Most striking was his fellow Spaniard Nico Williams, with his blond streaks. He was mainly a sub, so we didn’t get to see his hair’s full glory.

Best-dressed manager. While Carlo Ancelotti of Brazil retained his funeral director’s face and gait, and his black three-piece, his waistcoat looked this year like a woolly cardigan. So the award probably has to go to Mauricio Pochettino of the US. He has acquired the style of an Englishman, with floppy Hugh Grant hair – though he may just thinks it makes him look Ivy League.

Worst-dressed manager. No argument there – Thomas Tuchel. He can’t help his boring hair, but come on, son, get some style.

Best national anthem. No argument there either – “La Marseillaise”. It is so rousing and triumphant, no wonder the French players sing their little hearts out.

Most boring anthem. Most of the anthems are dirges, including England’s, and the players often don’t seem to know the words, if they have any. Spain is one of four countries in the world with none at all, the others being Bosnia, Kosovo and San Marino. But the Spanish players did manage to look solemn and respectful.

Best commentator. All crap. Ditto the half-time entertainment in the final, as that distinguished music critic Wayne Rooney described it.

Best visual image. One still in my mind’s eye is Erling Haaland banging his drum while the Norwegian team sat on the pitch, pretending to row a Viking ship. Funny, but also rather touching.

The next World Cup will be hosted across Portugal, Spain and Morocco (with one game each in Uruguay, Argentina and Paraguay to mark its centenary), so a lot of the games should be at more civilised times for the UK. Will I be around then, at 94? If I keep up my healthy diet, which includes a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc every day, I’m sure I’ll make it. I like the number 94. It used to be a running joke in Private Eye: readers would write in with: “Am I the 94th reader to point out… blah blah…”

If I am here, I hope I will be called back into the New Statesman trenches. I wrote The Fan for almost 30 years, you must remember, but retired a year ago. I hope they ask me back for 2030. I am sure you’ll recognise me. I’ll be wearing my Scotland football shirt. Lot of good it did this year, but like all football fans, we live in hope.

Hunter’s next book, Get Back: The Boys Who Became the Beatles, will be published by Ebury on 17 September

[Further reading: The take over]