26 February 2025

I attempt peak football-viewing: two live games at once

There were competing sets of replays and live-action excitements. My head swivelled so much I got dizzy.

I’ve never experienced three in a bed, though I bet it happens all the time down in Brighton. That Nicholas Lezard pretends he gets no action, but I am sure he’s just being polite. But I have just experienced the football-viewing version, which is surely every fan’s fantasy: two live games on the box at the same time. Never managed that before.

I was fiddling around trying to get Liverpool vs Lille on Amazon Prime. I pay for that and can usually get it on my computer, but it’s a real faff. Then I noticed there was an equally good game on at precisely the same time – Barcelona vs Benfica, on TNT, which I get on my TV. I also pay for that. You have to spend a fortune these days to watch football. Oh God – which of the two enticing games shall I watch?

I have a soft spot for all four clubs. Liverpool this season are terrific but I’ve always identified with the city anyway. Oh, the years I spent there working on books, such as researching the Liverpool-to-Manchester railway for a biography I wrote on George Stephenson (don’t say you haven’t read it), and, of course, on researching the Fab Four.

But I also like Lille. I went to watch them in their stadium last season, thanks to my son-in-law, who is French. He has a friend who knows the Lille owner. We got posh seats in hospitality with gourmet grub – far superior to cold pork pies in England.

Barcelona’s Nou Camp stadium is amazing. I once went there to watch them play; I took my son, who was teaching in Spain at the time. I talked my way in to the press box – “Don’t you know who I am? I’m an NS football columnist” – and I got two tickets.

I do like Benfica’s ground in Lisbon, the Estádio da Luz. They let off a real eagle – the club symbol – which flies over the crowd before the game. So dramatic.

I know – perhaps I can watch both games at the same time? I am not totally useless at modern technology. It took me ages moving the furniture around and then getting the television and the computer both on the right channels and positioned at the right angles. But I eventually did it. Bliss.

Well, it was once I got my ears used to two commentaries and two lots of crowd noises. But I managed it. I began to anticipate in which game there was a good bit coming, from hearing the home crowd roaring and the commentators shouting. I then knew which screen to focus on.

So much happened in both games, so I was lucky. Barcelona vs Benfica was exciting, finishing 5-4, Barcelona coming back from 2-4 down with 12 minutes left. In the Liverpool game, Mo Salah returned to top form with a brilliant goal. So nice to see that smile again.

It was, however, much more exhausting than watching one game. I had to concentrate on each match, all the time, following the various dramas, storylines and lead characters.

Two were playing in red, Liverpool and Benfica, which was confusing at first. Barcelona were in black which meant when I first identified Robert Lewandowski I thought he was the referee. And jumping back and forward was difficult. Watching one game, you have time to take in all the action replays so you never miss anything. But often there were competing sets of replays and also live-action excitements, such as two penalties for Barcelona. My head swivelled so much I got dizzy.

It did mean I drank less than I usually do when watching football. I could not spare the time to open a new bottle in case I missed something.

I was knackered afterwards. Two games at a time is exhausting. I don’t know how anyone manages three in a bed. It’s beyond me at my age. Which reminds me of an old joke.

Old woman to old man: “Shall we go upstairs and make love?”

Old man to old woman: “Don’t think I can manage both, pet…”

I know how he feels. Two games in one evening did my head in. And my body.

[See also: Why we’re stuck in Ancient Rome]