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21 August 2012

San Francisco Giants outfielder concocts most outlandish excuse ever

When step one is "spend $10,000 building a fake website", rethink your plan.

By Alex Hern

When San Francisco Giants outfielder Melky Cabrera tested positive for a banned substance, many thought his career was over. And it probably is; he has received a 50-game suspension, and will struggle to make it back again at the end.

But Cabrera had a plan to avoid the suspension. It was crazy, but it just might work…

The New York Daily News has the scoop:

The scheme began unfolding in July as Cabrera and his representatives scrambled to explain a spike in the former Yankee’s testosterone levels. Cabrera associate Juan Nunez, described by the player’s agents, Seth and Sam Levinson, as a “paid consultant” of their firm but not an “employee,” is alleged to have paid $10,000 to acquire the phony website. The idea, apparently, was to lay a trail of digital breadcrumbs suggesting Cabrera had ordered a supplement that ended up causing the positive test, and to rely on a clause in the collectively bargained drug program that allows a player who has tested positive to attempt to prove he ingested a banned substance through no fault of his own.

Needless to say, the plan didn’t actually work.

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MLB’s department of investigations quickly began asking questions about the website and the “product” — Where was the site operating from? Who owned it? What kind of product was it? — and quickly discovered that an existing website had been altered, adding an ad for the product, a topical cream, that didn’t exist.

People, Melky is showing us all up. We need to step up our games when it comes to excuses. For instance, I plan on buying a black cab and having a driver on retainer to stage car accidents whenever I’m running late somewhere. It’s an investment in the future.