This England: The cones hotline

This column – which, though named after a line in Shakespeare’s “Richard II”, refers to the whole of Britain – has run in the NS since 1934.

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Firefighters were called to the rescue of a young boy who got his head stuck in a metal traffic cone. A crew from Devizes was sent to The Leaze, Bromham after the boy decided to put the cone on his head and then could not get out.
Gazette and Herald  (John Boaler)

Ale-ing and abetting

A motorist accused of drink driving handed the judge a character reference from his local ale drinkers’ society.

Michael Vinton, 46, was arrested after arriving at work by car smelling of booze on the Isle of Man. When he appeared in court he handed in a reference from Castletown Ale Drinkers’ Society. The sitting magistrate said the letter, which was not read, did not help his cause.
Daily Star (Amanda Welles)

Playing gooseberry

A lonely bachelor bought two pet geese to keep him company over lockdown and now puts them in nappies and takes them to the pub.

Animal lover Sven Kirby, 34, has hand reared the birds from five days old after buying them for £40 each in June.

Kirby is often seen  walking the streets, parks and canals of Leeds with Beep Beep and Norbert waddling along behind.
Westmorland Gazette (Terry Hanstock)

Fresh as a daisy

Fans of Scotland’s national drink can take a dip in Irn-Bru in their own bathtub – with bath salts which turn water orange and smell just like the ginger fizz.
Glasgow Times (Daragh Brady)

Each printed entry receives a £5 book token. Entries to comp@newstatesman.co.uk or on a postcard to This England.

 

This article appears in the 23 October 2020 issue of the New Statesman, Ten lessons of the pandemic

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