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13 June 2018updated 15 Jun 2018 11:22am

“Sorted for McD’s and Jez” – Pulp, rewritten for Labour Live

Ahead of the Labour Live festival this weekend, we asked Jarvis Cocker (oh all right, Marie Le Conte) to reimagine the Pulp classic “Sorted for E’s & Whizz”...

By Marie Le Conte

For those of you who want to sing along…..

Oh, is this the way they say the future’s meant to feel?
Or just 20 angry staffers standing in a field
And I don’t quite understand just what Momentum is
But that’s okay ’cause we’re obsessing over McD and Jez
And tell me ‘bout the Brexit plans
’cause all this has just got to mean something

Hating on the Labour right, it feels all right, but then tomorrow morning
Ooooh, ooooh, then you come down

Oh yeah the Skwawkbox updates told us what was going down
Got 12 free tickets from some bloke called Len in Camden Town
Oh and no one seems to know exactly where it is
How many stops again from High-bur-y and Is?
At Labour Live the normal world seems very, very, very far away
Heyyy. All right.
Starting inter-faction fights, it feels all right, but then tomorrow morning
Ooooh ooooh, then you come down.

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Everybody search and shame
They say we’re all the same but now it’s “Owen!”, “Jezza!”
But that’s as far as the revolution went
I lost comrades, I tweet alone, it’s six o’clock I wanna go home
But it’s “Blairite”, “massive melt”, makes you wonder what it meant
And this LOTO briefing grows and grows and grows and grows
And you want to call your mother and say
“Mother, I can never campaign again
’cause I seem to have left an important part of my brain somewhere
Somewhere in a feigned ushanka” – all right.

Mocking centrists out of spite, it feels all right
But then tomorrow morning
Oooh ooooh then you come down
Ooooh ooooh then you come down
Ooooh ooooh what if you never break even?