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4 July 2016updated 28 Jul 2021 7:10am

Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston deserve privacy for their TOTALLY NORMAL romance

Who among us has not brought our relatives along on a second date?

By Anna Leszkiewicz

There’s been a lot of talk about the highest profile new couple in the last few days. And who would have expected any different? The snooping media just can’t help itself, sneaking around to snatch invasive snaps of the hot young things of the moment – this month, Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston. And media coverage quickly leads to gossip – this time, some grim smears about how Hiddeswift “love the limelight”, are “more flagrant posers than the young Price George” or are simply “creepy”.

But, guys, these two are a totally normal couple doing normal couple things and they definitely don’t need your prying eyes putting pressure on a new relationship, okay? Let them have their fun!

Here they are on a totally normal first date, searching for clams and PR opportunities, weeping tenderly on each other’s shoulders.

But who among us would want the fiery winkle-picking moments of a first date, complete with salty seawater and salty tears, plastered all over the newspapers for God knows who to pour over?? Who hasn’t engaged in some “weak nana” or “M&S Blue Harbour catalogue model” roleplay on date one? Who are we to criticise the stiff, lukewarm affections of new love?

Just look at these adorable pictures of Taylor meeting Tom’s mum, doing a candid and casual Wizard of Oz-style, three-way linked-arms walk. Who doesn’t bring their mum along in the early stages of a romance to *wink wink nudge nudge* seal the deal?

And here they are, still with Tom’s mum, making nervous eye contact with the paparazzi and gripping each others’ fingers with increased desperation.

Sceptics might question why they are back on the beach again: but has young love ever been able to resist the wide open space and excellent long-lens opportunities a quiet beach affords?

A third seaside walk might seem depraved to the casual onlooker, but who has not known how the honeymoon phase can see you recklessly engage in chaperoned beach stroll after chaperoned beach stroll? Passion knows no prudence!

Here they are exploring the standard a private tour of the Colosseum in Rome, but tragically, even this attempt at affording themselves some privacy by closing down one of the biggest tourist attractions in Europe has failed.

As you can tell from the body language in the below pictures, these two humans are definitely having sex, not just pretending to by taking inspiration from Baz Luhrmann’s depiction of awkward youthful romance in Romeo and Juliet.

And finally, here they are having a cute, low-key July 4th weekend surrounded by the world’s most beautiful women in tiny swimwear. Who hasn’t worn a t shirt proclaiming their love for their partner after just a few weeks of dating? Isn’t a temporary tattoo with your gal’s initials inside the perfect beachwear accessory? This look is seasonal, fresh, and definitely not in any way a cry for help.

These are the tell-tale signs of a passionate affair, between two adults who are very much in love, and definitely don’t want any publicity. They would appreciate it if you could respect their privacy.