26 March 2025

This England: Well, this is hawkward…

This column – which, though named after a line in Shakespeare’s “Richard II”, refers to the whole of Britain – has run in the NS since 1934.

By New Statesman

Illustration by Marta Signori

A hawk has taken two woolly hats from the head of a 91-year-old man. Glyn Parry said: “It worries me a bit – if I didn’t have my hat on it would have tried to get at my head.” Residents said the bird had been in the village for a couple of months, with reports of attacks over the last week or so. To avoid losing another hat,Mr Parry has fashioned his own chinstrap out of a shoelace.
Cambridgeshire Live (Amanda Welles)

Unjust desserts

The customer is always right, but one Cambridgeshire restaurateur disagrees – and he has video evidence to prove it. Jackie Wan, owner and head chef of the Forum Chinese restaurant, has become so fed up with “nonsense” reviews that he has taken to debunking them – using CCTV if necessary. The village restaurant has been using footage to “clarify” problems raised by unhappy customers who have used TripAdvisor, Google or Facebook to leave what he sees as unfair reviews.
The Times (Kate McIntosh)

Faecal attraction

The theme of a new ride at Alton Towers, the Toxicator, has ironically seeped into real life. The park’s pollution-based attraction is decorated with waste barrels and a black-and-yellow sign warning of an “overhead splash hazard”. Opening day saw large crowds eager to experience it – but the Toxicator had to be closed for an hour and the area evacuated when a nearby pipe exploded, flooding the area with sewage.
Derbyshire Live (Hassan Akram)