Teenagers suffer from an image problem. Picture an adolescent boy, and we might think of Harry Enfield’s legendary comic creation Kevin, and his refrains of “it’s SO unfair”, or “I HATE you”. We might also think unwashed, stroppy, spotty, irrational, rude to his parents, desperately craving sex, and, above all, emotionally volatile. In her book Teenagers: The Evidence Base, the social scientist Matilda Gosling dispels these steretoypes through a detailed examination of data and research.
In 1904, the psychologist G Stanley Hall coined the term “storm and stress” to describe adolescence, suggesting that teenagers were “cruel and lazy, and that they lie and steal”. Gosling responds: “They may be and do all of these things from time to time – but most humans are surely guilty of the first three, at least on occasion.” Hall’s model, she argues, disregarded the many upsides of the teenage years – “a time of curiosity, creativity and feeling deeply”. And if we allow our view of teenagers to be shaped by Hall’s characterisation, we’re more likely to behave in ways that encourage such behaviour. Gosling does not offer a naive view of adolescents. Far from it. She speaks about how volatile, hurtful and irrational they can be. But she reminds readers that teenagers can be “lovely” too.
Full disclosure: I hate parenting manuals. I hate the smug tone they adopt, the feeling of inadequacy they inevitably induce. I find the concept ridiculous: the idea that having a child – or two, or three – makes you an expert on other people’s children. Children are unique. What works for one won’t work for all.
Happily, Gosling agrees, arguing that a one-size-all approach is even less relevant to teenagers. This is a practical book (as was her first, Evidence-Based Parenting: From Toddler to Pre-Teen). There’s no lecturing. Throughout, Gosling acknowledges that no parent nor child is perfect: both can make mistakes. In fact, it is “important for your teenager that you do”, so “they can see that fallibility is part of the human experience”.
Teenagers weaves together research with insights from psychology, biology, neuroscience and more. But Gosling never overstates the evidence, always admitting where there is uncertainty or weakness in the data. This willingness to acknowledge doubt is useful and refreshing in a market dominated by books with strong, definitive arguments. Certainty – or the illusion of certainty – sells. Jonathan Haidt’s The Anxious Generation – in which the respected social psychologist argues that smartphones, with their limitless access to social media, are largely responsible for the mental health crisis in young people – has been in the New York Times bestseller list every week since its release in March 2024. But parents may be relieved to hear Gosling suggest that Haidt’s argument isn’t as strong as it seems.
The crisis in teenage mental health is beyond doubt. But its cause is far less certain. Gosling argues the evidence supporting the case social media is responsible is, “at best, mixed”. Existing studies have produced contradictory conclusions: some finding a supposed link between social media use and depressive symptoms, but others finding none. Even where positive links have been found, “the causal direction might run the other way”, Gosling explains. “Teenagers with poor mental health may be more likely to avoid real-world interactions and to get lost down online rabbit holes.” Smartphones and screentime aren’t all bad either. Gosling offers several upsides: when teenagers talk to their friends online, it can help them feel they belong; phones can build intimacy between friends; “social media helps teenagers to show they care about each other”, and can be especially helpful for those who find real-world communication difficult.
Where the research is more robust, it tends to support common sense. Listen to your children. Have meals together as a family (there’s some evidence that the more frequent family dinners are, the better the teenagers’ outcomes). Say sorry when you’ve got something wrong. And be neither overly strict nor too permissive. “Authoritative parenting” is what to aim for: “loads of warmth coupled with plenty of guidance and limits”. Setting some rules helps children know they’re not alone, and that you’re looking out for them, “however irritating they may find you”. And in those moments when they don’t want to let you into their world? Take them a cup of tea to show you care, Gosling proffers.
Adolescence is an extraordinary time. According to Scientific American, the “computational bandwidth” of the brain increases by a factor of 3,000 between birth and adulthood. In adolescence we develop the ability to think about thinking. There’s science behind why we feel unrequited love. And good friendships at this age are linked to future resilience. Mood swings are grounded in science, too: teenage brains become more sensitive to social rejection and to the pleasure they feel from taking risks. But “the part of their brain that regulates feelings develops more slowly”.
Gosling doesn’t shy away from the toughest issues. Teenagers will inevitably consume porn, get drunk, take drugs or send a semi-naked picture to a partner. We can’t stop them. So, Teenagers provides practical advice on how they can do these kinds of things as safely as possible. Parents must talk about porn, Gosling says, otherwise the porn industry will do it for you. The same goes for sex. A one-off conversation isn’t enough, however uncomfortable you might find it. No parent wants their teenager to be sharing explicit images of themselves – but Gosling explains that there are safer ways for them to be doing this. (Keeping their head out of the picture, for example.) Parents are also told what to look for if they’re worried that their child may have alcohol poisoning.
Gosling suggests we need to talk to teenagers about their mental health less than we currently do, citing the work of Lucy Foulkes and Jack Andrews from Oxford University. The pair have hypothesised that some efforts to increase awareness of mental health “are leading some individuals to interpret and report milder forms of distress as mental health problems”. This is especially true of school-based interventions that target all children, rather than just those students who need specialised support. These attempts, far more prevalent in the US, are well intentioned but could be harming, not helping. “If teenagers don’t have their normal feelings pathologised by the trusted adults in their lives, they are more likely to feel able to manage them and to cope with the turbulence and trickiness that are often an inherent part of being a teenager,” Gosling writes.
It’s not just interventions from well-meaning adults that are having an impact: there seems to be an element of social contagion or peer influence too. A Finnish study which analysed data from more than 700,000 people found that if teenagers had a classmate diagnosed with a mental illness, they were 9 per cent more likely to be diagnosed with a mental health condition themselves within a year. If they had more than one diagnosed classmate, the risk of their own diagnosis in a year increased by 18 per cent.
Parents are encouraged to put faith in teenagers. They “need to hear the message that we believe they have the skills and knowledge to be able to handle challenging situations and feelings”, Gosling argues. And, on the rare occasion they might fall, we will catch them. If teenagers reach adulthood having been protected from adversity, how are they to thrive? But if there is one message that parents must take away from Gosling’s book, it is that we need to be aware of our own behaviour. We are the model that our children look to. It stands to reason that parents who use social media heavily are more likely to have teenagers who do the same. Teenagers are more likely to drink if their parents do. If you’re willing to talk about your own feelings, your child is more likely to. And on it goes.
Gosling produces a rare entity: a parenting book that is accessible, well evidenced, practical, gritty and not hectoring. In short, one that is genuinely helpful. It’s also funny: she writes with warmth and humour, alternating facts with amusing anecdotes from her own parenting or teen years. (She and I share some similar experiences, such as the crippling back pain caused by wearing rucksacks on one shoulder, and underage cider drinking.) And this book is about love. Gosling is excited to watch her perfectly imperfect daughters grow into adults. “With some luck, their future will hold love affairs, deep friendships and riveting passing acquaintances, new experiences, fun jobs and employment so awful that it provides a lifetime of anecdotes.” There is, Gosling says, plenty to feel excited about. Our children “just might need a little help to see it”.
Teenagers: The Evidence Base
Matilda Gosling
Swift, 304pp, £16.14
Purchasing a book may earn the NS a commission from Bookshop.org, who support independent bookshops
[See also: Letter from Los Angeles: My city is burning]
Content from our partners
Related
This article appears in the 15 Jan 2025 issue of the New Statesman, The Disruptors