THE NS COMPETITION No 4335
Set by Leonora Casement
You were asked for first lines from books that will put you off reading any further.
This week’s winners
A difficult one. First lines such as, “I have always found my ideals nestle cosily between Marx and Powell,” or, “Have you ever wondered how pigeons masturbate?” are always a risk. The judges certainly felt that the lines quoted merited reading on, even if not far past the second line. Don’t you, almost as an intellectual exercise, want to know the reasoning behind that first assertion? Or, albeit faintly, the answer to the pigeon question? The winners get £10 each, with an extra fiver going to the top dog: Dermot Allen.
I knew Jimmy Savile as a lad.
I was determined that winning the Lottery was not going to change my life.
Directly upon his arrival at the manor house, Hercule Poirot realised that the murderer was the butler.
A lot of the blokes I’ve slept with are poets and playwrights you’ve never heard of, probably for good reason.
Jeremy Clarkson was born . . .
Most cultures have several words for vomit.
It is probably for the best if I spend the first few chapters defining irony.
Bill Greenwell (2)
When he was three years old, Nigel Farage was just as cheeky and lovable as he is today.
“Thy guerdon, sirrah, is naught but a piece of paltry,” he said.
W J Webster
Although I thought the lawn could do with a trim, my husband was having none of it.
A reverential hush descended on the theatre as a dapper, tanned man made himself comfortable at the podium and began to speak in a sincere voice: “I want to share with you all tonight the story, the journey, of my achievements as a special envoy of the Quartet on the Middle East.”
George Osborne always liked messing around in yachts.
A full-length study of Roger Moore’s technique has long been a serious lacuna in the literature of acting.
C J Gleed
The easy availability of dead badgers was an irresistible lure to pen this monograph on uses for their carcasses and, even though I have not succeeded in discovering 101 as I had hoped, I trust that readers will find these 17 will enrich their lives as they have mine.
Gerald could never look at the draft terms of the reference document appended to the agreement cementing the Lib-Lab pact of 1977 without reflecting upon how paragraph 19b had come to be, albeit fractionally, truncated.
The next challenge
No 4338 By Paul Pastor
Sunbather Louisa Foley, who posed in a bikini holding a bottle of cider as Eastbourne Pier burned, said she saw it as “a great photo opportunity – it’s not exactly something you see every day”. The photo has been viewed over a million times online. Police are treating the fire as possible arson. We want you to choose a disaster, ancient or modern, which you think would make a great photo op and give your reasons why. Clothing details optional.
Max 150 words by 4 September