Culture 2 December 2020 This England: Given up the goose This column – which, though named after a line in Shakespeare's Richard II, refers to the whole of Britain – has run in the NS since 1934. Getty A flock of geese all walk at the Schulz und Peper farm in Brandenburg state, Germany Sign UpGet the New Statesman\'s Morning Call email. Sign-up A man who got two pet geese for company in lockdown may have to get rid of them after complaints about their honking. Sven Kirby, 34, has hand-reared the pets – Beep Beep and Norbert – who waddle around his house in nappies. A noise abatement notice from Leeds City Council now warns he must “prevent recurrence” by 8 December or face a fine of up to £5,000. Sven, of Armley, said: “I love my geese. It almost feels as if social services are taking my kids away.” The council said he could appeal the notice. Daily Mirror (Daragh Brady) [see also: This England: Fast and loose] Luxury labour Tom Kerridge is selling a pre-made Christmas dinner for £380 – but you must cook it yourself. Metro (Amanda Welles) Counting sheep Anne passed away at her home in Mere on 18 December 2018. Her love of her beloved sheep was a prominent feature in her life and Anne is buried in a white, woollen coffin made by a specialist Yorkshire firm using the fleece of three sheep. The Blackmore Vale (Ruth Eyre) [see also: This England: If a tree falls] Magic mushrooms Several carved wooden mushrooms have been removed from a park after a council received a complaint they looked “unnecessarily phallic”. The wooden features were carved out of tree stumps at Cwmdonkin Park in Uplands, Swansea, last winter by the council parks team. Paul Durden, a co-writer of Twin Town, said many locals oppose the removal. BBC Wales (Christopher Rossi) Each printed entry receives a £5 book token. Entries to comp@newstatesman.co.uk or on a postcard to This England. › I find myself in a garage, having lunch with the man who taught doctors how to talk to patients This article appears in the 04 December 2020 issue of the New Statesman, Crashed