It's dogma eat dogma

Gordon Brown has told us that "this is not the time for outdated dogma". We asked you to give an exa

Set by Ian Birchall

£20 to Josh Ekroy, Anne Du Croz and Adrian Fry, and a tenner to J Seery, who will know why! The main winner (Josh Ekroy) also gets the Tesco vouchers

Selling of Indulgences

Gordon Brown We are now committed to exploring the best options which will give a boost to the economy. I refer, of course, to the Selling of Indulgences, made possible by the revival of the time-honoured dogma which teaches The Treasury of Grace. We shall be assured of a considerable income, which will act as our Moral Hedge Fund, enabling this government to accrue wealth which will be used to benefit poorer areas. But these Indulgences can only be bought by the truly Penitent. There can be no question of any so-called "licence to sin". The social benefits will therefore be considerable and will, with certain fiscal conditions being met, be exchangeable for Asbos.

Josh Ekroy

Standing up for Socialism

Dennis Skinner Outdated dogma!? It's exactly what we need. Bugger modernisation. You think it doesn't matter who your dad was: duke or dustman? You think a toff, born with a silver spoon in his mouth, educated at Eton and Oxford, a Hooray Henry, is fit to occupy No 10 and dictate to the British working man? We know better in Bolsover. See this? It's my flat cap. I'm going to wear it continuously from now on. Get one yourself. Bring your banners; line up behind brass bands; march proudly round your boroughs singing the "Red Flag". Stand up for Socialism! Vote Labour, or you'll be doffing those caps to the Tories.

Anne Du Croz

Introduction of Mao's Cultural Revolution

Alistair Darling Now is the moment to introduce Mao's Cultural Revolution dogma: Destroy the Four Olds. Old customs - boasting about property values and spending the kids' inheritance - must cease, to be replaced by wry admissions of financial catastrophe and informing the kids that there is no inheritance. Old culture must be destroyed, to which end we've redirected all arts fundraising into the 2012 Olympics. Old habits, too, must go: work will cease to be a tiresome, habitual thing and become a rare bonus akin to a Lottery win. Last, old ideas must be jettisoned; only voluntary amnesia about the causes of earlier crashes will help rebuild levels of confidence to the dizzyingly unrealistic levels required for recovery and secure another term for new Labour.

Adrian Fry

Divine Right of Kings

Gordon Brown The great medieval principle, "The King can do no wrong", necessarily means that any misconduct in the administration must be due to his ministers, who can be brought to account and punished. From 1997 to 2007, I acted on the advice of Blair, Reid and Miliband. Uneasy lies the head that dines in Corfu . . .

J Seery

No 4054 The wrong trousers

Set by Ian Blake

In A Little Local Murder, Robert Barnard describes a character as "the sort of person who went through life looking as if he was wearing his brother's trousers". Descriptions, please, of well-known people who can be as dismissively characterised.

Max 40 words by 20 November


This article first appeared in the 10 November 2008 issue of the New Statesman, Change has come