28 February 2000
An explosion on a sunny Sunday morning is just what you need. There was to be a "controlled demolition" near where I...
14 February 2000
So they've done it then, the Lords have seen off the buggers! Their virtue is intact, for, in the paranoid words of the...
31 January 2000
Lately life has come to resemble the Harry Enfield sketch "Women, know your place". Various public-safety announcements...
I'm lucky. Even if the world ends on New Year's Eve, the Turkish shop at the end of my road will still be open
20 December 1999
All this millennium nonsense was designed, I feel, to show me up. Yes, I take it very personally - it has all been done...
06 December 1999
I feel about as sorry for Mary Archer as I do for Hillary Clinton and Christine Hamilton - that is, not a bit. All the...
22 November 1999
The growth industry of the nineties has been the culture of celebrity. Never have so many people been famous for so...
08 November 1999
In EastEnders recently, Mel asked Dr Fonseca a direct question. "Are you gay?" "Yes," he said. "Good," she replied, and...
25 October 1999
Real women - what a pain they are. Much better to make them up, I say. Yet we are forever being told what real women...
11 October 1999
As someone who has always been told off for possessing little common sense, I cannot get that excited about a...
27 September 1999
It takes only a few months for a fairy tale to turn into a farce. In June, the nation was thrilled that the youngest of...
13 September 1999
Whose fault is it that 12 year olds get pregnant? This is a multiple-choice question if ever I heard one. Tick one of...
Why do newspapers use asterisks? When readers read f*****g, I imagine they know what it f*****g means
16 August 1999
On every newspaper that I have worked on those in charge have been worried about fucking. The word, you understand, not...
The great thing about the eclipse is that it is not man-made, it is bloody natural; so it must be significant
02 August 1999
A strange and unnerving phenomenon is occurring all around us, something that no soothsayer ever predicted. It is...
"No vases?" Sam shrieked. "You've got to get out of here. No TV. No privacy. This is a hospital, isn't it?"
19 July 1999
Drugs and vases. For these two things, I have seriously considered abandoning a lifelong principle. I have actually...
Why should we have to like politicians? They are just something we have to put up with, like traffic wardens
21 June 1999
When anyone in politics talks of the enormous respect they have for someone else it usually means they don't actually...