25 June 2001
I'm Michael, just off to the hustings To be the Conservative main-man Ignore all these thrashings and thrustings I'm...
Politics
25 June 2001
About 12 years ago, I won a few quid in a Times Educational Supplement competition with the satirical suggestion that...
18 June 2001
I believe with every drop of brainless balls, My power grows I believe that somewhere in this arctic light, My mandel...
11 June 2001
It's late in the contest, he's wondering what look to wear, He's facing a break-up, and stroking his new-mown hair, And...
04 June 2001
Exactly who voted against me: I know them. The gross and the greedy, The suits and the admen, The shadows and madmen,...
28 May 2001
It ain't no use to scribble in your X, babe It don't matter, anyhow And there ain't no point in elect-oral sex, babe If...
21 May 2001
For babies, I'm a wonder brand just now - Sometimes I've been a little fad: Doncha know that none of my rivals ever...
14 May 2001
We met him on a rendezvous in old Brazil Da Doo Ron Ronnie, Da Doo Long Gone Sun-readers hold that he should meet The...
07 May 2001
Come in, sit down, would you like a lollipop, John? Something to suck on the end of this stick? Mind my mongrel. Here,...
30 April 2001
I will not sign the pledge because I run a chicken tikka masala parlour. I will not sign the pledge because I have...
23 April 2001
Bring on the Klingon String up the garlic Usher The Thing on Bring out the Dalek Rebandage the Mummy Force out The...
16 April 2001
My Edward is not Gaelic. The Prime Minister is residential. Mr Hague is reformed. Give me baksheesh, I am the Countess...
09 April 2001
Is this the face of Jesus? Was his skin so waxy-cheap? Now the starting-gate's not Lifted And the dates have all been...
02 April 2001
It's a Mir little drop in the ocean, A red splash the colour of rust, But not worth a whistle Or nuclear missile - We...
26 March 2001
Policy on the hoof: we need to bite the ballot, to separate sheep from goats. We will not fleece the farmers. We must...

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