8 things it's never OK to ask a woman in public

If you’re one of those gents who’s unsure how to deal with the presence of pesky females ‘in the community’, worry not. We’ve put together this short guide on how not to act when you encounter a woman-type creature.

Women: they’re bloody everywhere these days, aren’t they? Seriously, it’s got to the point where you might even start believing that they amount to more than a minority. And it’s certainly got to the point where day-to-day interaction becomes inevitable. What’s a bigot to do?
If you’re one of those gents who’s unsure how to deal with the presence of pesky females ‘in the community’, worry not. We’ve put together this short guide on how not to act when you encounter a woman-type creature in some of those scenarios where contact becomes a real and terrifying possibility.

So, without further ado: here are eight things that it is never, ever OK to ask a woman in public.

1. “Shouldn’t you be at home with that baby?”

Sainsbury’s got in trouble for this recently, when one of their employees approached customer Sabina Latto, mother of six-week-old Myles, and told her that she “shouldn’t be out of the house with a baby this young” in “a place like this”. For those of us who believed that Sainsbury’s wasn’t the equivalent of a needle-strewn smack den populated mostly by rabid cannibalistic dogs, the concerned employees’ words may well have made us think again. Fortunately, however, it turns out that it wasn’t the particularly dangerous branch of Sainsbury’s that has the problem, but the particularly bigoted employee (a charming human being who then went on to question where the father was.) This incident is, of course, shockingly bad PR for the supermarket chain prized for bringing us the glory that is the Basics range. They issued a public apology, but we bet baby Myles’s mushed-up spag bol comes from Tesco now, and it’ll be a while before their cut-price cheese spread (tagline: ‘A little less cheesy, still spreads nice and easy’) loses its bitter taste in our mouths.

2. “Are you sure you want that glass of wine? You may have not noticed that you’re pregnant.”

When heavily pregnant Jane Hampson asked for a small red wine at a pub in Liverpool, the moralistic barman refused to serve her, saying that: he “couldn’t have it on [his] conscience”. The bar manager later apologised, saying that his young employee had believed it was illegal to serve alcohol to pregnant women (perhaps because they have an under-18 physically attached to them?) but nonetheless, the disgruntled recipient of his attempt at an intervention would have been perfectly within her rights to tell him where to get off.

Attitudes such as this have their logical roots in the assumption that, once a woman is pregnant, she becomes but a baby vessel incapable of independent thought. Rather than being able to make lucid, rational decisions about how to behave during her pregnancy and, y’know, life, the nation’s busybodies assume that her decision to go jogging/stay at work/eat sushi requires immediate intervention. Indeed, a pregnant jogger last year told how she was called a “selfish cow” while out running in the park. NOW CAN SHE SLEEP AT NIGHT? (Answer: she can’t, her bump is mahoosive.) Needless to say, there are also much darker incarnations of this logic out there – just consider the case of a pregnant woman in Wisconsin being jailed for admitting to having had a painkiller addiction in the past.

3. “Spit or swallow?”

FYI, Creepy Guy in Tiger Tiger When One of Us Was 18: this is never a polite question to whisper into a woman’s ear on the dancefloor, especially when it’s accompanied by the insertion of his tongue into said orifice a few seconds later. Likewise, it’s never OK to shout it out of a taxi at a girl in a short skirt, and then call her a slag when she refuses to answer. This also goes for:

4. “Wanna sit on my face, love?”

No, man in the white van on the Holloway road going at 80 mph, she really, really doesn’t. And zooming off like that before she gets a chance to respond is a coward’s way out. Look, we appreciate that it’s rare for a catcaller to put a woman’s pleasure first, but what kind of answer were you hoping for, really? “Why yes, kind sir, that sounds like a fabulous idea. Indeed, I was just on my way to my University Summer Ball, why don’t you accompany me afterwards so I can introduce you to all of my friends?” To you, it may seem like a generous offer of cunnilingus. To her, it’s creepy street harassment. We can’t believe we even need to explain this.

5. “Are you on your period or something?” and/or “Are you feeling hormonal?”

This question is particularly irritating when asked in the workplace, as though a woman’s frustration with a particular project has nothing to do with professional disagreement and everything to do with the fact that she’s about to shed her womb lining/is shedding her womb lining/just finished shedding her womb lining. Beware: if you accuse women of being wild uncontrollable harpies with wandering wombs, then they are perfectly within their rights to behave like them and answer your query through the medium of violence.

6. “Why don’t you put them away, love?”

This question is clearly rhetorical, so the answer, “Because they’re my tits, not yours” is unlikely to make much of an impact. The asking of this question is almost always accompanied by the kind of lecherous leer that makes Terry Richardson look like a member of the Beavers and implies that, actually, he doesn’t want you to put them away at all, but bury his drool-ridden chops in them.

7. “What’s your bra size?”

Unless this is a kindly Marks and Spencer sales assistant wielding a tape measure (in which case she knows whatever you respond is probably wrong anyway), this question is off-limits as far as strangers are concerned. Likewise, approaching a colleague and asking her if her tits have got bigger, or asking a woman what colour knickers she has on. Thankfully, since the decline of the landline, women have fewer heavy breathers to contend with (if you’re wondering what happened to all the finger-sniffing heavy breathers and flashers, the answer can be found in the dildo section of any Ann Summers in the country) but the knickers question remains a classic catcall for the kind of perverted loser whose only contact with ladies’ smalls has been delicately fingering the faux-satin thongs at Victoria’s Secret shortly before being ejected by security.

8. “What are you doing here?”

She may be a woman in a hardware store/at a scientists’ conference/in the MPs lift at the House of Commons, but just because she doesn’t look like your narrow idea of a plumber, politician or IT technician, doesn’t mean that she isn’t one. Similarly, asking if you can speak to her husband or partner because an explanation of the inner workings of the car’s engine is just going to be too much for her is not only completely unacceptable but makes you look like a complete caveman. If she’s there, then chances are she deserves to be, and she has the skills to prove it.

Sainsbury's is no place for women with babies, according to one unhelpful employee. Photo: Getty.

Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett and Holly Baxter are co-founders and editors of online magazine, The Vagenda.

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Voted Remain? How you can use the general election to kick out hard Brexiteers

Open Britain, the European Movement and Britain for Europe will be sending volunteers to assist MPs who oppose hard Brexit. 

There’s no escaping the fact that Britain’s impending departure from the European Union hangs over this general election and all of the other issues it will throw up. Those who believe in an open, tolerant Britain, with strong links in our interests to our European neighbours, have a duty to stand up and fight against a destructive hard Brexit.

The Prime Minister made it very clear when she fired the starting gun on this general election that she felt this election would be about one thing and one thing only – Brexit. On the steps of 10 Downing Street, she called out all those who have raised valid questions about her approach to Brexit for “political game-playing”, and was unapologetically explicit in her aim to “make it harder for opposition politicians who want to stop me from getting the job done”, and to “make me stronger.”

This government has decided to pull the UK out of the single market and the customs union – and all the proven benefits they bring – before we have even got to the negotiating table. Ministers have discarded the best economic option from the get go, and persist in the belief that the nightmare scenario – Brexit with no deal, defaulting onto World Trade Organisation rules – would be “OK”, as Boris Johnson has said. They have failed to guarantee the rights of EU citizens living in the UK. The government appears intent on a destructive hard Brexit that will put jobs at risk, cause investment to decrease and prices to rise. Pro-Europeans, of all parties and none, have a duty to stand up and fight against that hard Brexit path.

That is why Open Britain has come together with the European Movement and Britain for Europe to take the fight to hard Brexiteers on the ground in this election campaign. As the three biggest pro-European groups in Britain, with more than 600,000 supporters between us, we have volunteer groups the length and breadth of Britain.

We will be directing our activists to key seats during the election. In half of these, we will be challenging supporters of hard Brexit, like Iain Duncan Smith, Steve Baker, and Kate Hoey. Open Britain volunteers will get involved in the campaign for the candidate who is challenging them.

The other half are seats held by an MP who has been vocal in opposing a hard Brexit. These stretch from Lewes and St Ives to Belfast East and Edinburgh South. We are urging our activists to get involved in any way they want to and in whatever way will help the specific campaigns on the ground in those key seats, with the aim of securing the greatest possible representation of MPs who will fight against hard Brexit and for an open Britain in the next Parliament.

If we succeed in doing so, we can build a brighter future for Britain. We can stop this government cashing a blank cheque for hard Brexit, which would undermine our trading, security and diplomatic relationships with our European partners. We can secure a meaningful final vote on the Brexit deal for MPs, so they can hold the government to account for the divide between their rhetoric and reality. And we can put forward an alternative vision for Britain – one where jobs and businesses are protected, our workers’ rights and consumer protections are maintained, and Britain stays open and internationalist. If you would like to join us in this campaign, you can find out more details of how to get involved on our website.

James McGrory is the co-executive director of Open Britain.

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