London is turning into an oversized private members’ club

For the millenial with no money, no umbrella and no hope of ever owning a house, it's time to look elsewhere.

“Boop.”

I’m on a bus. I’ve just scanned my Oyster Card and I’m getting the “insufficient funds” Red Dot Of Doom. Outside, great watery clumps are falling out of the sky.

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no,” I say to both the driver and myself.

I don’t have any cash. I try giving the driver big, wounded puppy eyes. Nothing. He shrugs, I slump off the bus. I could’ve sworn I topped up my Oyster with a tenner about an hour ago. But London is like a sweaty magician in a snazzy waistcoat, who makes money disappear.

This isn’t fun anymore. With no money, no umbrella and no hope of ever owning a house, I wrestle my way through the rush hour on foot, back to my parents’. Maybe I’ll move out again one day, or maybe rent prices will continue to soar Shard-high.

Over the past couple of years, I’ve realised that, for so many millennials, living in London is a form of masochism. Last week, I saw a friend from Brighton wince as she paid four quid for a pint. Jaded by London prices, I looked on, dead-eyed and handed over an even heftier purse of monies for a G&T.

As the city I love turns into an oversized private members’ club, not a day goes by now where I don’t ask myself, “What am I doing here?”

The other day, I was paying some of the highest prices in Europe to be unceremoniously jammed into an armpit, on the tube, when it hit me: let’s all move to Londonderry.

According to a piece in the Telegraph, earlier this year, Londonderry is the most affordable city to live in, in the UK. Please note, I’m not referring to the Northern Irish city by its unionist name for any political reasons. I just like that I could live there and still claim that I live in London. Ish.

Within a couple of minutes of researching rental prices in Londonderry, I find a six bedroom mansion, with land (actual land), that’s on the market for £525 PCM. House-sharers, that’s £20 per person, per week. Even when I lived in Brighton, I was (at one point) paying £90 per week to live in a slightly upmarket squat.

In Londonderry, the budget mansion is only a very slight anomaly. I soon find non-methy, spacious terraced houses in central locations for around £30 PPPW. The average rental price in London is over £1,200 per month. To contextualise this even further, a grave plot and burial in the capital can now reach around £5,000. So, in the short term, it’s cheaper to be alive in Londonderry than dead in London.

Millennials, hear me out – in Londonderry, we would live like a slightly plumper Henry VIII. Gout-ridden and fat on roast swan, we’d slap our thighs and guffaw heartily over the years we spent paying hundreds of pounds a month for the pleasure of living in ungodly dirt shacks. And in Londonderry, there are cool things like this and this. And I’m pretty certain that this is in Bavaria, but it still came up when I Google-imaged “Londonderry”.

So, what’s shackling me to London? One of the obvious fetters is the gay scene – one of the most vibrant in the world. But, according to my research, it’s not as if Londonderry is completely devoid of rainbows and Lady Gaga. In 2010, the city had its first ever Gay Pride and I bet you pints don’t cost £4 in this gay bar. Plus, my fellow London-weary homos, if we all emigrated there at the same time, we could make Londonderry, like, really fucking gay. There’s always room in a socially conservative Catholic stronghold for a Jewish lesbian on a mission.

Living in London is a form of masochism. Photo: Getty

Eleanor Margolis is a freelance journalist, whose "Lez Miserable" column appears weekly on the New Statesman website.

Getty Images
Show Hide image

Angela Eagle is set to challenge Jeremy Corbyn. But many still hope for Tom Watson

Labour's deputy leader is the potential candidate most feared by Corbyn's supporters. 

The vote of no confidence came. But Jeremy Corbyn didn't go. As anticipated, the Labour leader declared just 20 minutes after his defeat that he would not "betray" his supporters "by resigning". Having never enjoyed the confidence of MPs to begin with (as few as 14 voted for him), he is unfazed by losing it now. His allies are confident that he retains the support of a majority of Labour's selectorate. 

The likeliest resolution is a leadership contest in which Corbyn is challenged by a single "unity candidate": Angela Eagle (as I predicted on Monday). Labour's former shadow first secretary of state, who impressed when deputising for the leader at PMQs, has been ready to stand for months. MPs speak of her enjoying support "across the span" of the Parliamentary Labour Party, from the "soft left" to "moderates" to "Blairites". A source told me: "It is no surprise that colleagues are turning to her. She is very much considered a tough, Angela Merkel-type figure who can lead the party through this difficult period." There is no sign that the backing of her own constituency party (Wallasey) for Corbyn will deter her. 

Other potential candidates such as Dan Jarvis, Yvette Cooper and Chuka Umunna have relinquished their ambitions for now. But two names still recur: Owen Smith and Tom Watson. Smith, who first revealed his leadership ambitions to me in an interview earlier this year, would run as a competent, soft left alternative to Corbyn. But it is Watson who the Labour leader's supporters fear most. He comfortably won last year's deputy leadership election and is renowned for his organisational abilities and trade union links. For these reasons, many regard him as a more formidable opponent than Eagle. "Fourth in the deputy leadership election to first in the leadership election in 10 months is a big challenge," an MP noted. 

But as deputy leader, Watson has long regarded it as his duty to preserve party unity above all. A challenge to Corbyn, pitting him against most current members (including a significant number who voted for him), unavoidably conflicts with this role. For this reason, Watson's supporters hope that a combination of pressure from MPs, some unions (who are expected to meet the Labour leader today), council leaders and members (who are "absorbing" the no confidence vote) could yet persuade the leader to stand down. Under this scenario, Watson would automatically become interim leader, either steering Labour through an early general election or presiding over a multi-candidate leadership contest. 

Should Corbyn refuse to resign today (as most of the rebels expect), some still hope that Watson could be persuaded to run. But assuming the Labour leader automatically makes the ballot paper (a matter of legal dispute), a contest between himself and Eagle is likely to ensue. Having won the backing of just 40 of Labour's 229 MPs in the confidence vote, Corbyn would struggle to achieve the 50 MP/MEP nominations required to qualify. 

A final, little-discussed scenario involves Corbyn agreeing to step down in return for a guarantee that John McDonnell, the shadow chancellor and his closest ally, would make the ballot. This would ensure the far-left representation in the contest and reduce the possibility of a split. But it would run the risk of merely replicating the present schism in a new form.  

George Eaton is political editor of the New Statesman.