The Sun rises in Scotland

Murdoch's retaliation is to back the destruction of the United Kingdom.

Hacked-off Rupert Murdoch is taking revenge on the London political class by personally endorsing Scottish independence. The mutual appreciation society formed between the Sun King and Alex Salmond is reminiscent of the Aussie-American tycoon's past corporate affairs with Premiers Thatcher, Blair, Brown and Cameron.

Dropped by Cameron, abused by Brown, the Dirty Digger's retaliation is to back the destruction of the United Kingdom. Braveheart Salmond is proving a doormat as welcoming in Edinburgh as residents of Downing Street. Besotted with the power of Rupe and the endorsement of the Scottish Sun, correspondence recorded Braveheart addressing Murdoch deferentially (and incorrectly) as “Sir Rupert" when inviting Mr Murdoch to grace a string of events. Knighthoods are, of course, in the gift of Her Maj. The First Minister is in danger of appearing more royal than the royals.

Cameroons in the No 10 bunker are finally heeding Steve Hilton, the Thatcher-on-a-bike svengali who pads stocking-footed about Downing Street. Inmates have discovered a pair of shoes left on a chair is the surest way of preventing Larry the Cat taking up residence on the seat. The moulting moggy's hairs are, I gather, a nuisance. Nicely tailored suits, both male and female, do not exude executive power when covered in cat hairs.

Major Eric "Rambo" Joyce of the Army Education Corps uttered the immortal phrase "this place is full of fucking Tories" before going on manoeuvres in Strangers' Bar - the expletive dropped by newspapers to avoid offending readers treated to blow-by-blow accounts of the Labour MP's evening. The watering hole, known as the Kremlin when a preserve of the left, is indeed these days full of Cons as well as Lib Dems, Nats and Northern Irish. I once even spied Green Caroline Lucas at the bar. Rambo Eric isn't without his apologists, however, after the melee. One lefty quipped that Tories complaining they were hit was political correctness gone mad.

Bearded troublemaker Paul Flynn is telling anyone who will listen, plus more than a few who'd rather not, that his updated tome How To Be An MP has no index, so instead of popping into W H Smith and flicking to the back to check, victims need to buy a copy to discover if they've been mentioned. The irascible Flynn is also advocating octogenarian shortlists when parliamentary boundaries are reorganised, to ensure the elderly are adequately represented in the next Parliament. By coincidence or otherwise, Flynn, briefly on Labour's front bench during the Kinnock era, will be 80 at the next election.

Sources whom I'll describe as "close to" Maurice Glasman maintain that the new entrant to the weekend market, the Sun on Sunday, was ready to pay him £100,000 a year to pen a regular column. The former university lecturer was poised to sign until a backlash changed the mind of Ed Miliband's persona non guru.

Kevin Maguire is associate editor (politics) of the Daily Mirror

Kevin Maguire is Associate Editor (Politics) on the Daily Mirror and author of our Commons Confidential column on the high politics and low life in Westminster. An award-winning journalist, he is in frequent demand on television and radio and co-authored a book on great parliamentary scandals. He was formerly Chief Reporter on the Guardian and Labour Correspondent on the Daily Telegraph.

This article first appeared in the 05 March 2012 issue of the New Statesman, The last Tsar