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Dave’s magical wisteria tour

You might enjoy a tour of the Chipping Norton set's stomping ground.

Ever fancied strolling over the field where Citizen Dave went galloping with Rebekah Brooks? Examining the pile where, last Christmas, the Prime Minister prepared to gift BSkyB to Rupert Murdoch? Or admiring the stone cottage on which Cameron spent £680 of taxpayers' money to clear wisteria? Then you might enjoy a tour of the Chipping Norton set's stomping ground. That incorrigible lefty Mark Seddon is recceing a golden triangle of Oxfordshire to run tours of the haunts of the political-meeja class that mixes socially as well as politically. I fear that Cameron and his chums may be hacked off when the first busload of tourists disgorges.

The pressures of parliamentary life demand unreasonable sacrifices of MPs. Take Mary Glindon of North Tyneside. She's a Sunderland supporter
on the quiet, a snout whispered, but watches their arch-rivals Newcastle United to spend time with her significant other when she's back up north at weekends. To understand her pain, non-football fans should imagine Nadine Dorries, MP for Mid Narnia, on a sponsored silence.

Your correspondent reads the Daily Star so you don't have to. I can confirm that matchbox-sized John Bercow will struggle to persuade his fame-lusting wife, Sally, to abandon her quest for telly stardom. Undaunted by the public evicting her from Non-Celebrity Big Brother at the earliest possible opportunity, Sal told Richard Desmond's rag that she'd like to live on a caravan park with Paddy Doherty, My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding's former bare-knuckle brawler. Not for ever, you understand: just for a series of Celebrity Wife Swap. I'd like that, too. It would mean Doherty's wife, Rosanne, a no-nonsense woman who bore 13 children, moving in to Speaker's House with Big John. Right-whingers accusing the one-time Monday Clubber of becoming a Labour fellow-traveller would self-combust over a real traveller in the posh council house.

TV cameras make people look bigger, or so we're led to believe, and create a false impression of at least one Channel 4 presenter. My eye was directed to a hitherto overlooked observation by Sean McGovern, the wheelchair user who caught Iain Duncan Smith blocking a TV studio's disabled toilet. "Krishnan Guru-Murthy, a lot smaller in real life (wears Cuban heels)," McGovern noted. Guru-Murthy's co-presenters Jon Snow and
Alex Thomson are both tall. Whatever else Channel 4 is, McGovern has established that the station isn't sizeist.

Colleagues of the scribbler George Jones, recruited to assist Lord Justice Leveson's inquiry into media standards, recall that the ex-Daily Telegraph political editor earned a certain notoriety for insisting that his name appear first on stories co-written with fellow journalists, a practice known as "byline banditry". We await next year's report on the press by George Jones and Brian Leveson.

Brrrng, brrrng - a snout rings to report that Brooks has been talking with her family about children since her Wapping exit. I believe, however, that everyone is entitled to some privacy.

Kevin Maguire is associate editor (politics) of the Daily Mirror

Kevin Maguire is Associate Editor (Politics) on the Daily Mirror and author of our Commons Confidential column on the high politics and low life in Westminster. An award-winning journalist, he is in frequent demand on television and radio and co-authored a book on great parliamentary scandals. He was formerly Chief Reporter on the Guardian and Labour Correspondent on the Daily Telegraph.

This article first appeared in the 05 September 2011 issue of the New Statesman, 9/11