Porn-star politicians and public school pride

The rightward trajectory of Tony Blair, multimillionaire, has led him to an American la-la land inhabited by Sarah Palin, the Tea Party and Fox News. Word reaches your correspondent of an encounter between Blair and a prominent lieutenant of Rupert Murdoch. My informant recounted the one-time premier denouncing the current US president as dangerously left-wing. "The problem with Barack Obama," opined Blair, "is he's really a socialist." The problem with Tony Blair, muttered my snout, is that he was never a socialist.

The Rigsby-like figure of John Healey MP was relieved when December dawned and he could shave off a comedy moustache grown for charity. The low point of his good-intentioned endeavour came when the mechanic who services the shadow health secretary's car discomfited strait-laced Healey by telling him he resembled a 1970s porn star. Mind you, Healey isn't the only Labour non-hunk likened to a stud. Students of Ed Miliband's crumpled adviser, the soon-to-be-ermined Oxford don Stewart Wood, disconcerted their tutor by insisting that "Lord Wood" sounded like a porn star's name. He had the good grace, I gather, to blush.

It was touching to learn that David Cameron gets upset whenever Nick Clegg is portrayed as his butler or doormat. Given that Clegg's alma mater, Westminster, considers itself superior to Eton, the Deputy PM may indeed bridle at the very idea. The FT's political editor, George Parker, discloses that Citizen Dave swears as he reads the newspapers every day, reserving the choicest Downing Street expletives for criticism of his fag. The people's toff has ordered the No 10 spin machine to intensify a "Save Nick" campaign over the fallout from tuition fee rises. Prepare for a string of inconsequential announcements intended to make Clegg appear important.

Jeremy Hunt laughed off Jim Naughtie's Freudian slip on Radio 4 over his surname, but there is something else beginning with C with which the lambada-loving minister is more happy to be associated. These days, Hunt's official website records with palpable pride how he was educated at the £29,430-a-year Charterhouse - yet this huge leg-up in life was passed over ahead of the election. Hunt is one of Citizen Dave's elite brigade who, from the safety of high office, are now willing to admit that they're public school boys.

Alex Ferguson is the toast of Commons staff. After a recent reception, he happily signed his security pass and handed it to a waiter. (Among the people who run the Palace, the Manchester United boss's scrawl is more highly prized than the Mace.) Hats off to Fergie: too many guests treat staff as invisible

Why do they do it? Ed Miliband has agreed to be interviewed by Piers Morgan for the glossy men's mag GQ. Nick "Thirty Lovers" Clegg could have told Adenoid Ed it invariably ends in tears for the MP concerned. Perhaps we'll finally discover which toy the Milibrothers fought over as kids to turn Teddy into a fratricidal avenger.

Kevin Maguire is associate editor (politics) of the Daily Mirror

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