To Manchester for Miliband Street, the political soap that was the 2010 Labour conference. Ed "Teddy" Milibrother proved he's no cuddly bear by baring his fangs and stealing the Labour crown from elder brother, David. Teddy had help from his union friends, of course, yet the Unite chief Tedette, Tony Woodley, struggled to tell the boys apart. At a trade union reception, Woodley introduced Ed as David. He also called Diane Abbott Diana. The Hackney MP has a reputation for regal behaviour, but a princess? Lady Abbott will be pleased.

Spare a thought for James Purnell the cabinet flouncer. He was lined up to be Mili Major's chief of staff if things had been different. Instead, the ex-MP was observed sidling up to the Brownite-bruiser-turned-burly-Tedette Tommy "Two Dinners" Watson, and overheard asking: "Can we be friends?" They'll never be close comrades. Purnell called Watson "the cancer at the heart of the Labour Party" last March in a row over who would succeed Purnell in Stalybridge and Hyde. I wonder if Purnell would have offered his to Watson if he'd now been running the party.

John Prescott, rookie TV reporter, aged 72, enjoyed his new role once he could remember that the Adrian Chiles-Christine Bleakley breakfast show he was working for is called Daybreak, not Daytime. Filming outside the security zone, Lord Prezza even played conciliator when a Tory gent shouted, "Prescott, you're a hypocrite", for joining the ranks of those he once called "vermin in ermine". Alas, the cameras weren't rolling when Prezza crushed a red plastic ball used in a stunt by a rival BBC programme with his foot. "That's what's happened to New Labour," growled Lord P.

The GMB's Paul Kenny is in wrecking-ball mood. Pat McFadden, when business minister, was unpopular with the unions. He's unpopular, too, out of government. A radar-lugged informant recalled hearing Kenny in Manchester, during the TUC annual conference a fortnight earlier, telling McFadden how “I'd like to say I enjoyed working with you", and swiftly adding: "But I didn't, because you are a complete arsehole."

Bidding to be Ali Campbell in a skirt is the Tedette spinmistress Katie Myler, daughter of the News of the World editor, Colin Myler. She pinged a text to lobby hacks insisting that she is the "first, only, and last point of contact" for all things Ed Miliband. This column's snouts were most amused.

Lord Prezza suffered one sense of humour failure. His pass was inadvertently deactivated so he couldn't get into the conference. Or two humour failures, if you count losing the race to become Labour treasurer, a defeat this column predicted weeks ago.

Kevin Maguire is associate editor (politics) of the Daily Mirror