The Libido Democrat Chris Huhne should be praying that he doesn't suffer the same ignominious fate as David Laws, the short-lived Treasury chief cutter forced to resign over parliamentary expenses. In the corridor behind the Speaker's chair, inside a glass-fronted noticeboard, is a photo of the beaming cabinet, taken during the brief period when Laws was a rising star. The picture isn't a glossy, official number, but a yellowing cutting from the Metro, dated 14 May. There's a rough cross scrawled in pen across the head of the political decapitee Laws. Westminster's phantom scribbler awaits the next quitter.

Losing £850 a week now that she can't cuddle Mickey Portillo on Andrew Neil's Thursday-night sofa - when she still has all those school fees to pay - must be turning the Labour leadership race into an expensive venture for Diane Abbott. Presumably that explains why the Hackney MP is the only candidate who asked the GMB union to pay for her train ticket to its hustings in Southport. Usually, it's David Miliband who has travel laid on for him. As an ex-foreign secretary, he has a chauffeur-driven limo to whisk him to venues while his rivals, including Brother Ed, make their own way. On Labour's Animal Farm it's two legs good, four wheels better.

As a junior Home Office minister and a hardline champion of identity cards, he was known as Andy "Flog 'Em And" Burnham. Now, Labour colleagues question whether the youngest leadership candidate is too nice for the top job. Burnham is the politest of the bunch, and his long eyelashes have earned him a new nickname: Ermintrude, after the matronly cow in The Magic Roundabout.
Ed Balls should be relieved - suddenly his own moniker, Bruiser, doesn't sound so bad.

David Cameron's fag, Nick Clegg, is chairing a committee on Lords reform which includes Sir George Young, Jack Straw and Rosie Winterton. In the days before England kicked a ball in South Africa, the justice minister Lord McNally compared the teams, pointing out that "Fabio Capello could not get a better blend of youth and experience". Perhaps Lord McPundit foresaw other similarities. Poor performances, bad tactics and revolts sound like the Con-Dem coalition.

This autumn, for the first time in living memory, none of the four big conferences will be at the seaside. The TUC (Manchester), the Lib Dems (Liverpool), Labour (Manchester) and the Cons (Birmingham) have all scorned the coast. The TUC is also mulling over the idea of holding future jamborees at Congress House in London, to save money. The tide is going out on the tradition of parties decamping to a resort for a row - will it ever come back in?

The MP for Mansfield is plain Alan Meale, but I hear he could so easily have been Sir Alan. The Labour hierarchy apparently told the one-time seafarer he could have a knighthood if he agreed to vacate his safe seat at the election for an as-yet-unidentified parachutist. Meale, a keen follower of horse racing, decided the safe bet was to remain an MP.

Kevin Maguire is associate editor (politics) of the Daily Mirror