Even to my surprise the Osborne Defences collapsed quicker than the Maginot Line. One minute his arse was being covered by an unassuming balding man with a working knowledge of the financial world, the next this unenviable role is being filled by a 6ft 5in ginger with a working knowledge of the Cairngorms National Park. Little wonder Georgie lost the plot, evangelising to all and sundry that "Laws had been put on earth to do the job asked of him".

Do we really think so, George? Do we really think Laws wandered round Cambridge saying, "I have come among you to be Chief Secretary to the Treasury"? Perhaps, but I seriously doubt he could have got away with such behaviour at JPMorgan. Nor was Osborne the only one becoming carried away. Young Glover of the Guardian somehow tracked me down on Saturday night at Chequers to gabble about "the destruction of a man of quite exceptional ability . . . a precision-targeted missile tearing into the coalition . . . a nation mourns".

“Stop being so hysterical, man," I had to interrupt, "the Prime Minister and I are trying to watch the Eurovision Song Contest." Not a word of a lie, either. Ever since sneaking down to Matron's room at Heatherdown to watch Abba lift the crown, Dave and I have considered Eurovision to be a must-see event (though sadly no longer for Matron, who passed away last year). In the process, we have progressed from being aficionados to being nearly as brilliant as David Laws.

Once again, we cleaned up at the bookies, it being obvious to us, if not others, that the least the Germans could expect in return for bailing out their co-competitors to the tune of hundreds of billions of euros was a few freebie votes. Irritatingly, our enjoyment of the event was rather marred by it clashing with the coalition's first crisis. Sod Laws, if you will.

“My worry is, Gidders, if we keep losing Libs at this rate we'll be looking for new coalition partners by Christmas," said Dave.

“While handicapped with Simon Hughes as Deputy PM."

“Honestly, has the talent pool of any supposedly serious political party ever been so lacking in depth?"

“Well . . . in '97 our cabinet did contain Gummer, Hogg and Bottomley."

“Sure, but that was after 18 years. This lot have been in co-power for 18 days."

“There is, PM, a way that Laws might hang on . . ."

But Dave was no longer listening, having become absorbed by an Armenian woman singing a political protest song while standing in front of a giant apricot stone.