The polls are chaotic, the public thinks that we, not Labour, will raise taxes, and Nick Clegg is so smug at the prospect of dominating the news agenda for the duration of a hung parliament that he looks fit to explode. Any of the above would be sufficient to create a wobble; taken together, it is amazing that Doughy Dave didn't collapse under strong interrogation from Titch and Trev. But that's the next PM for you - tough as teak.
That said, he was not the star of the show. This accolade was awarded by two of our "serious political commentators" - silvery Ben Brogan in the Telegraph and the Mail's Quentin Letts, a man often described as "thicker than Rawnsley" - in their blogs to the woman they persist in calling Sam Cam. Both of the pundits were effusive about the baronet's daughter being "not posh". This was odd, as she is inescapably well-bred, but perhaps neither has ever met a member of the upper classes. Understandable, perhaps, for Letts, who suffers from the disadvantage of being
an Old Haileyburian, but Brogan might try harder.
Samantha, by the way, will make few appearances during the campaign. She has a "ready-to-write stationery" shop to run and, quite rightly, will be putting her own career first.
Meanwhile, we men continue to practise for the trio of debates, with Gove standing in as Brown, and Jeremy Hunt as Clegg, a piece of casting that should give the bumptious Liberal pause. The role of interviewer has fallen to yours truly - my Adam Boulton winning rave reviews, my Alastair Stewart described as "largely inoffensive" and my David Dimbleby "needing work". The fault here lies, I would contend, with the part rather than
the actor. One needs to be a mime of quite considerable talent to carry off the combination of pomposity and pedantry that characterises the Corporation's main man.
That said, I continue to struggle for my art, the following exchange demonstrating the progress we are making:
Dimbleby (Me): Why should I, David Dimbleby, vote for any of you lot when I could probably do the job myself, if I had the time and inclination and was prepared to take a substantial pay cut?
Cameron (Himself): That, if I may say so, is a very good question, David . . .
Clegg (Hunt): Sorry, could you repeat the question . . .
Dimbleby (Me): Why should I . . .
Brown (Gove): As my lovely wife, Sarah, is fond of saying . . .
