Does BoJo have the mojo to be our MoMo?

Who will be our Mo? This was the question that hung in the air like cheap cigar smoke, as Dave and I dutifully sat through two hours of Julie Walters acting her cotton socks off. Sam left the room before the opening credits (as she does whenever anything even tangentially political crops up, which is less often than you might suppose chez Cameron) and retired upstairs to do - what? Pilates? Levitate? Her thing?

So it was just the probable next leader and I who quietly enjoyed Mowlam's take on Mandelson. Dave broached the subject. “What's Ken up to?"

“Fuck all."

“He's always been a 'meet the people' kind of a guy."

“A long time ago. Now he's more of a 'let the people meet me' kind of a guy. On a good day."

“Gove?"

“I don't think so. Either we restrict him to primary schools, which would begin to look creepy after a while, or we have endless footage of him shaking hands with people taller than him."

“Osborne."

“The people's banker."

“Grieve."

“They had Mo - we have Do Gro?"

“Sounds like a weedkiller."

“Looks like a weedkiller . . . But there is one option. He's blond, he's charismatic, he probably wears a wig . . ."

Dave shrank into his armchair. And before I could outline my plan Sam came down off the ceiling and, reminding him it was his turn to do the school run, ordered Our Leader to bed.

There are risks inherent in bringing BoJo on board. He is both power-crazed and gaffe-prone. However, if the polls begin to get any closer (what has happened to Gordon? The glum son of the manse is now everyone's favourite party uncle - how on earth did Campbell do that?) then we will have to give the public, if not something, then someone to vote for.

The only Tory people like is . . . BoJo. But if he assists us in securing an overall majority he will want paying back. Fortunately, he is lumbered with his mayorship until 2012, at which point it is likely we will be the most unpopular party in living memory and, bereft of policy, in need of levity.

Enter Boris as foreign sec/home sec/chancellor to spread a bit of happiness. Joie de vivre having been injected, Boris (being Boris) will, out of boredom, issue a leadership challenge, which Cameron might well lose. But better to have been PM and lost than never to have been PM at all. It's Dave's call.