UK Politics
A tale of two Damians
Published 04 December 2008
All of the gossip from the Westminster village...
The Ashford One, Damian Green, went into paranoid overdrive after those involuntary nine hours not helping Inspector Knacker with his inquiries. Fearing his phone was bugged, Druggie Dave's political prisoner started speaking in strangulated tones that, I hear, would have thrown not even the thickest tec. The cops, muttered a snout, wore kid gloves compared with Dreyfus Green's Tory quizzer-in-chief. The interrogator, Andy Coulson, picked up by Cameron after losing his job as editor of Screws of the World when a hireling was jailed over the £104,988-a-year tapping of royal mobiles, demanded to know if the MP for Devil's Island South had paid for the leaks. To Coulson's relief - or maybe surprise - Dreyfus answered "no".
Labourites lounging in the tearoom were interrupted by a pimply face peering round the door. "I'm from Edward Leigh's office," announced the young man, "and he would like to know if you could send someone immediately to collect his extra crockery." It seems ambitious boys don't join the office of the patrician chair of the public accounts committee to do anything as menial as carrying cups and saucers. Oh no. Those upstairs leave that job for the servants downstairs. Whatever happened to the flexible labour market championed by Leigh and the Tory right?
After last week's snippet on Cameron's Bobby Charlton comb-over, an eagle-eyed informant rang to point out that Brown is suddenly going grey. Either a No 10 ploy to enhance his gravitas, or hair colouring's off the shopping list to save money.
The one-time print union baron Tony Dubbins suffered his biggest defeat at Wapping, so Dubbo's delight over Rupert Murdoch's rags rubbishing the Unite co-leader Derek Simpson is intriguing. Meanwhile Dubbo's mini-me, "Sticky Micky" Griffiths, paid upwards of £60K a year by Unite not to go to work after twice missing out on the Labour general secretaryship, is busy campaigning against Simmo and boldly vowing to return triumphant as the union's political chief. Sources inside Unite say Sticky's got two hopes: no hope and Bob Hope. Fraternity's a dirty word in Untie.
Back to the Ashford One and a tale from more carefree days. A female broadcaster called to solicit his opinion of Druggie Dave. "Faltering," was the verdict, "completely lacking focus." "Oooh!" cooed the excited hackette. "Can I say that's from a senior source?" "Better than that," came the reply, "say it's his spokesman." "Wonderful!" "Yes, on the record as Gordon Brown's spokesman." "Ah, err, ehm . . . you're not Damian Green?" "No, I'm Damian McBride, Gordon Brown's spokesman." The two Damians, it transpires, are neighbours on many a journo's mobile contact list.
Kevin Maguire is associate editor (politics) of the Daily Mirror
Post this article to
We want to encourage people to comment on our content and to exchange views with other readers and hope this will be done on a courteous basis. However, if you encounter posts which are offensive please let us know by emailing comments@newstatesman.co.uk and we will take swift action where necessary.
