All the gossip from the Westminster village

The Yellow Peril gets on his scooter

Good and bad news for foundering George "Oik" Osborne. On the plus side, he retains a rich admirer. Unfortunately it's Richard Desmond. Word is that Dirty Des, a guest of Boy George's in the recent past at a Carlton Club fundraiser, retains great admiration for the Corfu cruiser. Indeed, the Westminster chatter is that Des, a one-time Labour donor who makes a mint out of blue TV and also publishes the Daily Express, may slip the Conservatives a few bob.

Nor is that political rubber ball Lembit Öpik going to let a lost Cheeky Girl, nor even a crushing defeat in a Lib Dem election to become party president, keep him down. Oh no, the irrepressible MP is already preparing to bounce back. Öpik told your correspondent that he's bravely prepared to offer himself as a go-between with terrorists. Really. Öpik is ready to hop on his Segway scooter to speak with al-Qaeda on behalf of the west. To travel, if necessary, to the Pakistan-Afghanistan border to meet Osama Bin Laden in his cave. Never let it be said that countless knocks over the years have dimmed the ambition of Yellow Peril Lembit Bin Öpik. At the time of going to press I was unable to contact al-Qaeda for a comment.

Maggie's End will be in London next March. I hear the celebrated play, about the upheaval when Uncle Gordie awards the Rusty Lady a state funeral, is to be staged at Islington's Pleasance Theatre. The Tyneside dramatists Ed Waugh and Trevor Wood display a fine sense of history. March 2009 is the 25th anniversary of the start of the epic miners' strike. Brass bands and pitmen's banners will be part of the entertainment. Outraged disciples of Mrs T will, we hope, take the bait and protest outside to give it an authentic 1984 feel. This time the coppers should be on the miners' side, after DCI Jacqui Smith robbed them of a pay rise.

Front of the queue to vote against MPs getting an extra £12,000 for chairing regional select committees (which are supposed to keep an eye on regional ministers) was Mike Gapes. He convenes the foreign travel group, so already pockets £12K. Surely a case of I'm All Right, Mike.

With deep regret, I record that the pressure of Osborne's financial worries is distorting the shadow chancellor's mouthpiece, David Hass. Lobby scribblers have taken to swapping notes about the young chap's industrial language when they are unlucky enough to get him on the phone. One hack described Hass as the rudest Tory spinner - and that's no idle boast!

Kevin Maguire is associate editor (politics) of the Daily Mirror

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