From: The Unit To: GB Subject: Osborne on the rack

Tactical Briefing

So, pretty good week. After months of finding it hard to pick up the papers it's become a pleasure again: Osborne on the rack; Cameron shitting it or absent; polling almost no longer very depressing; economy (sadly, obviously) tanking; pirates (!) for light relief. Overall, avoiding the many pages of dead and injured baby news, comment and graphics, it's been a bumper good-time news-media fun-week!

Off this, feels like now is the time for us to try to really nail Osborne. Not just for sport or the personal pleasure, although these are the main reasons.

With this in mind, we've been collecting half-fact and rumour and wishful thinking and moulding these into damaging narratives. Of course, this is a fun and easy game but just wanted to run a few inventions past you that we thought we might float to key players . . . stink grenades to roll out into the drawing rooms of Tory London . . . turds to drop down the well of received wisdom.

So: think there is mileage in Osborne's hints that he is the cool urban one, compared to that flaccid shire horse Cameron. What about we fly the rumour that Osborne, when in sixth form, composed and recorded a Tory rap under the name DJ Fresh Freddy von Hayek? Including lyrics such as "Mass unemployment ain't no whack price to pay/The dragon of inflation for us playas to slay"?

The Bullingdon photo is obviously brilliant. How about we give everyone a chance to reprint by saying there's a rumour that later the same evening the gang "drugged, debagged and rode an oik"? Also, and this is just a fun idea - maybe the poor victim was smeared with crudely applied make-up and then ridden around the quad while onlookers placed bets on this "chav race"? Too much? We could say Osborne was totally against it. Initially.

The Pound. Obviously, we win both ways here. If it rises, we say he's thick. If there's a ruinous run, then that is fantastic - not, admittedly, for the economy, but in terms of the big picture as regards Osborne and all the negative copy in the Telegraph editorial pages. Indeed, could it even be worth trying to court a mini-run to make people remember who exactly "caused" it?

Tax cuts. This is also playing with a double upside for us. We all have to pinch ourselves here to find ourselves spinning the line for tax cuts. Have to say it feels quite dirty - but so good. Think the subtext is great and the public are on board for it - we only favour tax cuts when they are ridiculously unaffordable. But right now the world is upside down, and everything is so fucked, anyone can do anything. The lights are off! Let the orgy commence! We'll tidy up in the morning.

Let us know your thoughts.

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