From: The Unit To: GB Subject: Anniversary

So, pretty good week. The anniversary is here! Time for you to hang out the bunting. Maybe time for us here, who have been working so hard on your media profile and day-to-day political tactics all year, to cut ourselves a slice of cake and, just for a minute, put our feet up and give ourselves a jolly good pat on the back for a job basically in many ways well done.

For aye, the naysayers can say nay and the doom-mongers can monger doom and the knockers may knock and the attack dogs can dog-attack, but still, here we stand, a year on. Battered? Yes. Bruised? Perhaps. Mortally wounded? Aye, that too, if you insist. But still standing proud, like a fine tree which – though infected with a deadly tree virus spreading inexorably through its sap – stands proud and true and tall in the forest as a testament to, if nothing else, its own existence.

So, let us count our blessings. And while it would be folly not to track the ever-growing number of mortal enemies/close political allies who have detailed plans for your downfall, let us not be obsessive in that tracking. Let us take time to smell the flowers of office. Relish the desks. The stationery. The free cars and myriad other general great stuff which it is our honour and duty to have and use while we are in office. Plus, of course, the massive (but rather cool) burden of final responsibility over the nuclear arsenal. After all, it is due only to your good grace that cities such as Kiev, Moscow, Toulouse and so on awake each morning unbombed.

So let us all put our political brains on ice for a beat and enjoy the political sunshine while it lasts!

Although, taking our political brains off ice, we do wonder if there is any argument whatsoever for taking the one-year-in situation as an opportunity? Could we (and no one here is seriously proposing this) possibly talk about the first year as a “warm-up” or a “pre-match knock-up” period or similar? Suggest perhaps in some off-the- record briefings that while obviously you’ve been really very much “on it” as PM all year, also something else has been going on for you? Like (this isn’t our idea, but something like) you’ve been finishing a great book?

Or you’ve had a terrible stomach ache that you’ve been bravely struggling with all year, which is what you’ve looked like you had sometimes (the subtext here might be: “Yes, Cameron, I’ve been suffering in silence, you heartless twonk”), but it’s now gone and now for the first time (not totally the first time, you’ve been on it all year, but in a way for the first time) you are really looking at the problems of the nation and now that your head is clear (maybe it was a headache, a migraine?) you’ve got some amazing ideas

on everything?

Let us know your thoughts.

Post your comment

Please note: you will need to login or register before you can comment on the website