UK Politics
Tactical Briefing
Published 22 May 2008
From: The Unit
To: GB
Subject: Caryn
So, pretty good week all in all. Obviously, by the time you read this we'll know the situation in Crewe and Nantwich and then we'll be able to say whether it's been a really really good week (in the case of a victory), signalling a temporary reappraisal of the universal expectation of a general election defeat, or (in the case of a defeat) just another in a long run of "pretty good weeks" for us.
Now there is a difficult matter I have been loth to raise with you up until now. But I think at this point it would be unhelpful to pretend that all is well here at the Unit. Resentments have been simmering for some time, and anyone who has seen the ad hoc "demarcation line" built of box files and back issues of Prospect that has been constructed across the middle of our office will know: two camps have now formed here.
I like to think of the rival factions as the "Practical Positive Realists" - that is, me and Waldorf the work-experience person - and the "Stupid Cynical Idiots", that is, Caryn and Rob. I think that even Caryn agrees that these labels are a fair summary of our two positions.
When the Unit was a larger operation any differences that arose could be subsumed. But after the recent exciting weeks, each repackage and relaunch has seen morale go from strength to strength and more and more talented people have left No 10 - until, as you know, the Unit now comprises me, Waldorf the work-experience person, and Caryn and Rob.
The central problem, as I see it, is that Caryn is an idiot. Now I don't want to make this one-sided. I'm sure "Karen" has her own criticisms of me. She would probably complain, for instance, that my razor-sharp wits mean I do not suffer fools gladly. And quite possibly I am guilty as charged.
I would, however, counter that I am always happy to help a fool reach the highest level of attainment possible for them - while always bearing in mind this will not be a very high level since their defining characteristic is that they are a fool.
Similarly, Caryn might complain that I am a stickler for speed, accuracy and excellence in all written and verbally presented materials. I recognise that these standards are not always easy for colleagues to achieve. Especially for Caryn. She feels that third-rate material slowly assembled and riddled with errors is a preferable route to take. Who knows, perhaps she is right? I guess this is a decision you must take.
So I would ask you to consider this. Dismiss Caryn. I'm not suggesting for a minute that Caryn has been the cause of all the political problems you have faced over the past ten months, merely that it is worth considering whether she might be the person responsible for all of the political problems you have faced over the past ten months.
Let us know your thoughts.
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