UK Politics
Dave, Dave and William
Published 17 April 2008
Cameron needs to create a shadow cabinet that can win the affection of the masses
Gordon Brown's latest woes have left Conservatives slightly numb: they are so used to an achingly bad press that many have forgotten how to react when it happens to the other side. Even rumours of a possible structural shake-up have not driven them to put down the Telegraph (or Heat magazine) and phone a chum for a game of fantasy shadow cabinet.
For recognition's sake, Cameron needs to create a shadow cabinet that is eventually acknowledged by first names only, like supermodels in the 1980s: "Cindy, Claudia, Carla and Helena", or the Geldof sisters: "Poochie, Parpy and Zingo". It has to trip off the tongue effortlessly: "Dave'n'George, William, and . . . the other Dave".
A shadow cabinet member (who, granted, is likely to remain around should there be a restructuring) says: "Nobody is really talking about it; most people are away. If Dave did something really radical it would smack of panic. Besides, we have another two years ahead of us. He is more likely just to move a few 'juniors' around and try out some new talent so they have experience come the revolution."
Certain to stay is Chris Grayling, the shadow work and pensions secretary. A cross between Simon Groom and your most forgiving bank manager, he's a plucky attack terrier who pounces on good stories. His relentless, slow-burning prodding of the government has won him countless fans. Grayling is liked by all his colleagues: a feat, in the fickle world of Tory politics. On the front page of his website he is dressed as a giant red heart raising awareness of cardiac risk. In a following pic, collecting funds for the Samaritans, he is dressed as a life-sized mobile phone. Inexplicably, a 6ft 3in Nokia-Grayling carries it off. (Take note, costume-fan Harman.)
Another who is sure to remain is the shadow education secretary, Michael Gove, still teasingly refusing to ditch his contacts and put his glasses back on. He has managed to rile the playground loiterer Ed Balls and his wife, Yvette Cooper. In the current climate, Balls-baiting is going to be "a regular Tory pastime", says a party aide with relish.
Although reluctant to bet on who may move sideways or down, a few senior Tories mention that Liam Fox, the shadow defence secretary, could go elsewhere. "Liam gets up in the morning and still can't quite believe that he is not leader," says one. "There's something quite ruthless about him," says another. "He's lost the twinkly bedside manner with grass roots he had in the Nineties." Dr Fox is, however, a link with the ultra-right Cornerstone Group that Cameron may want to keep onside.
There is a need for more women in the shadow cabinet, but Dave may have boxed himself in by talking about female quotas early last month. Judging by the performances of the current women with roles and who might join or replace them, it could be quite a job. Another consideration is that the present shadow cabinet is much bigger than a real cabinet would be. A number of Cameron's present team are peers, such as the Khartoum teacher-rescuer Sayeeda Warsi and the Judi Dench impersonator Dame Pauline Neville-Jones.
During the mid-1990s, Tory cabinet members were incensed that they had John Major, who was working-class but appeared to have no common touch whatsoever, while Tony Blair, a Fettes old boy, was winning over the masses. This now appears to have reversed, a government aide says: "Labour staff are going nuts that this Old Etonian appears to be more in touch. They simply can't understand why."
Shadow cabinet meetings include regular presentations of polling data and details of groups that need to be won over. The rising cost of living is likely to top the agenda during the run-up to the next general election. If the two parties are viewed similarly on the economy, capturing the votes will be based on who can "feel the pain" better.
The Tories sense that they have the upper hand. "It comes down to an intuitive feeling. A genuine Brown weakness is that he cannot bring himself to admit, 'I may have got things wrong,'" says a confident Cameron aide. "He comes across as unsympathetic."
Both Brown and Cameron will be trying to capture the "Asda family", based on the supermarket most representative of the demographic profile of Britain (social bands A to D). It doesn't matter how many spin doctors they hire; the winner will be the politician who understands the increasing frustrations of both band A and band D in the queue at Asda on a Saturday morning.
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