From: The Unit To: GB Subject: Seven more years/Ray, Mike & Paula

So. Pretty good week. Polls currently putting us just two points behind the Tories overall. Given that party morale is terrible and there's a massive lack of enthusiasm for the government in the nation and a sense of palpable desperation in the parliamentary party, the fact we're not further behind is a huge bonus. Think we all deserve a pat on the back.

Indeed, the exciting prospect is that we could limp on not just until the next election, but well beyond that! Think everyone here and in the country feels that another seven years of your premiership would be a very thrilling proposition. A real sense abounds that this would be an administration that was undertaking much, much more than an ideological death march to the political morgue. And doing far more than clinging to power despite the better instincts of even some of those involved.

In terms of our own funding issues here at the Unit, we think we're getting closer to discovering the truth behind matters. It turns out that the man we liked to choose to think we believed had been paying for our existence - "Ray" from above the newsagents - may in fact have been acting for another donor. This donor, we are led to believe, may be called "Mike" and is registered as a ship in Liberia, a non-domicile tax instrument in Jersey, and a political party in Poland. We think he may be a property developer from Kent, or possibly a pseudonym for a group of industrialists from the West Midlands. Whatever he is, he is certainly a strong supporter of progressive politics! And that is quite an accolade for a man with so many business interests that could easily fall foul of government regulation and investigation. Here's to "Mike"!

Anyway, in terms of our error in not properly declaring our funding, we think we may be closing in on the real villain. Which, it seems, was the advice. We were given bad advice. Now of course, though the advice may be primarily to blame (and we are very angry with it), in the name of thoroughness we have checked who was responsible for creating the bad advice. And this, it seems, is where our investigations lead us to the next villain of the piece: Paula our intern, who it now transpires looked up the advice "on the internet".

So it seems to us at the Unit that the blame for our funding embarrassment should be split equally in this matter. With 50 per cent going to Paula and 50 per cent to the internet. We have written to Paula to let her know we will not be considering her for any further opportunities if and when she completes her GCSEs, and we have also lodged a letter of complaint with the internet. So thankfully that is the matter almost cleared up.

Thank you for your support.

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