From: The Unit
To: GB
Subject: Finding our Brown
So. All looking good. Feel things are now really starting to look up after a period of also looking up, but not as much as they are really beginning to now.
Looking back over this period that has been very good for us - but also seen a big cut in our support - we think the unity of the government has been one of our biggest problems. TB was incredibly lucky in many of his attributes (hair, bone structure, venal lack of all conviction or honour, good teeth, etc). But not least in having you on board. Whenever there was a negative story on TB's watch, hacks sought us out for comment. Now with no viable dissenting voice within the party, they go to the opposition. Thus giving them the oxygen and Ten O'Clock News of publicity.
The whole of your tenure so far has been riven with unity. At times it has felt as if the voice of government has been almost inaudible because of the lack of dissenting voices. We at the Unit increasingly feel that the lack of an internal destabilising force is having a crucial destabilising effect.
Our suggestion is that we should consider floating and promoting a voice of internal dissent, our own "Brown", to dominate coverage whenever a Northern Rock/bird flu happens. Unlike you, this figure must be credible but not believable, clever but a bit stupid, initially appealing but then repugnant.
Possible candidates for our Brown include:
D Miliband: Private polling suggests most of the public are unaware of anyone in the cabinet other than yourself; 3 per cent recognise Darling; 4 per cent are aware of Milibands, but their exact number and location are something of a mystery. Estimates by the public of their number range from three to six. Therefore, there is a danger that Ed could get caught up in the hate-fest. On the plus side, with the Euro-speech slapdown, we have already played D for a mug once and it worked quite well.
Blair: Nice symmetry. Blair's Brown was Brown. Brown's Brown could be Blair. He may naturally take on the role. Positive is that Brown v Blair feels comfy, "Labour classic".
Straw: One of the most widely known figures in the cabinet, getting a correct recognition figure of nearly 13 per cent. And beyond that another 26 per cent saying they recognise him from somewhere, 6 per cent believing him to be a Miliband of some form, with a statistically significant portion of the public (1.2 per cent) identifying him as Rick Wakeman. Could play quite well as a rather wooden proponent of all the wrong ideas?
Fiona Phillips: Could we float it that after snubbing us she is the authentic voice of some kind of opposition? Populist choice. Plus we can pull the rug on her any time by saying she asked to be foreign secretary and stay on at GMTV.
Bob Shrum: He's really starting to get up everyone's nose. Maybe it could be him?
Let us know your thoughts on your favourite "Brown".
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