UK Politics
Peace in our time as Who and Smug promise not to sulk
Published 25 October 2007
All the gossip from the Westminster Village
That unusual creature, Gisela Stuart (below), the German-born British basher of Brussels, has narrowly escaped crucifixion. The lippy ex-minister, discarded by Tony Blair and then ignored by Gordon Brown, was hours away from being hauled in by Mr Whippy - Geoff Hoon - and nailed to a cross. Her crime was to pick up a few pieces of silver for writing in London's Evening Standard rag that the PM is "patently dishonest" and "lacking veracity" on the referendum, or more pertinently, no referendum.
Stuart's unlikely saviour was the same premier she labelled a liar, the boss decreeing he didn't want to martyr his tricksy Europhobe. Not yet, anyway. A surprising number of the Talibrown, however, are able to recite the Brummie MP's majority of just 2,349 in, nice touch, a mock-German accent.
The Tweedledem and Tweedlelib of Westminster, Chris Who and Nick Smug, have formed a mutual admiration society. So important does each think he is, that Who and Smug have promised to serve the other and not sulk should he lose. Who has also taken to boasting he was the sole Lib Dem MP to go to Smug's wedding. One nauseated Tory suggested the pair share Ming's old job, so the Lib Dems can continue to face both ways.
Can it actually exist? Is there really a photo of Druggie Dave enjoying a spliffing time at Oxford? Would anyone roll an oversize fag that big? Or was it a herbal concoction of the sort puffed at Eton? Oh, how Cameron must be praying that friendship triumphs over commerce. Otherwise our favourite toff may have a little explaining to do. The real killer snap, though, would be of the Tory leader shooting Bambi on daddy-in-law's Scottish estate. The hunt is on. Anyone got one?
Another Tory's been caught playing down his poshness, Druggie Dave's chaps seeking to appear prolier than thou. The culprit this time is the shadow culture vulture, Jeremy Hunt. His official Tory CV states he "went to school in Godalming". That'll be £26,000-a-year Charterhouse, rather than Godalming Comp.
Trouble at No 10, where the Father of the Nation wants to spend more time with his kids instead of globetrotting. Brown kicked up a fuss when his Downing Street hirelings told the PM he must go to Darfur in the very near future. The Premier complained he's knackered and, unlike Blair, doesn't enjoy using his passport. In a sign of where the power lies in the system, he'll be in Darfur soonish.
I confess to feeling a momentary pang when Ming the Retired complained on the BBC to Sergeant Bilko (or was it Nick Robinson?) that a story was even written about what type of socks he wears.
Now he has more time on his hands, perhaps Ming could resolve "Sockgate" and answer the big question raised in this column a few weeks back: do you wear sock garters? Westminster awaits the answer. Or at least I do.
Kevin Maguire is associate editor (politics) of the Daily Mirror
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