From: The Unit To: GB Subject: Speaking

So - with a few reservations, obviously - think everything is going really, really well. We really feel we are neither in meltdown, which would be horrible, nor, luckily, in free fall. Our view is that we are in neither. Think everyone needs to stick to this line. Which should be easy, since it is the truth.

One thing we do think here at the Unit is that maybe now is the time for you once again to start to speak. Not a biggie. But the fact you have made no utterance in eight days to colleagues, friends, relations, acquaintances or allies trying to save your political life could be viewed as unnerving. We know that everyone at cabinet found it a bit creepy, and it is very disturbing when people call up to get just nothing. To hear your breathing is good - heartening - but I guess we'd all like a bit more. So if there was one message we could get into your locked office right now it would be: "Hey, let us know what's going on in that massive brain of yours, big guy!"

Anyway, tactically, think there are a few things we can hit to get us back on the offensive:

1) Target Blairites: We know how to do this and it's easy and fun. Would really lift everyone here if you could, say, give a green light to us kicking the shit out of Fatty Clarke a bit in the Sundays.

2) Boost the Yellow Peril: Biggest poll bump for us would be Tory floaters swinging to the Sandals. One idea, post-Ming, and it's a bit Bay of Pigs, is we float the story that TB has been in the Middle East for a couple of months now, has realised it's all a bit more complicated than Condi made out. We could fly it that he's now thinking of re-entering UK politics by leading the Lib Dems. Screw TB's credibility. And the press buzz might get them rolling again.

3) Snap Poll: Probably not a good idea - but it would wrong-foot everyone. And not necessarily in a bad way (although mostly in a bad way). We might say that you had now, while no one really noticed in the past two weeks, actually set out your vision. Definitely don't think we should do this.

4) Accentuate the positive: We should remember that since coming in, while you have had some presentational setbacks, on the plus side, everything you haven't done has been a success. Our list of triumphs - the floods, the terrorism, the agricultural diseases - is strong. Maybe for the next few weeks/months/years we should concentrate heavily on stuff we have nothing to do with. "Events, dear boy" could possibly be our manifesto's "Big Idea". To the question: "What are you going to do?", the answer might be: "It depends what happens?" We'd run with you as a massive human insurance policy. One possible pitch for ad agencies to look at is for posters or texts to kids - with a big pic of you and the log line "Brown - because shit happens", and another powerful image of a natural disaster/bomb?

Let us know your thoughts.

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