From: The Unit To: GB Subject: Thatcher

So, re Thatcher. All brilliant obviously. Might need to finesse the whole thing just a little in private to make sure there's no suggestion you in any way betrayed any principles. For example, and this is probably too much, but is it worth us saying that a senior member of your staff couldn't control themselves and did a little spit in her coffee? Nothing horrible, just saliva? And maybe we could say you heard about the incident but you were "relaxed" about it? Even maybe that you chuckled about it afterwards? Might just take the edge off the moans and groans?

Still, big picture, we all feel like we've really got the Tories on the rack on this one. Can feel the splits opening up. So perhaps, rather than retreating, we should take it up a level? The perfect candidate for another personal-linkage photo op in our opinion (and we're most definitely not suggesting this, just floating it, with an expectation of being shot down) would be Augusto Pinochet.

Now obviously there are a number of problems with him as a figure. He is widely viewed as extremely right-wing. This, in terms of splitting the Tories, is obviously not a problem. He is also, of course, dead. But again, this is not necessarily a disadvantage. An alive Pinochet might not have agreed to the meet. But what about a private visit to his grave? We could tie it in with a visit to wherever he is buried - Chile no doubt, since this is where he was the dictator of.

The actual shot we would release if we went for it (which we should stress we don't think you should) would be a long-lens shot that we didn't want released. It would show a private moment at his grave/mausoleum side.

The pitch would be that you have always had a certain admiration for him and that (and we can check this) he did actually do a hell of a lot of good things, as well as (no doubt) some bad things. The expression on your face would be of paramount importance. We are not suggesting for a moment that you should be weeping or wailing, nor smiling or laughing. The look we'd be after would be pensive, a little admonishing, but also slightly reverent, as if to say, "Yeah, goodbye, you lovely, tough, horrible, brilliant old bastard."

If the Pinochet thing went wrong, as it no doubt would (but maybe to our advantage?), perhaps we could balance it up by swinging through Venezuela and grabbing a hug with Chávez? And if that looked like alienating Tory defectors/Middle England, you could correct it with a humanitarian visit to Noriega in jail in Miami? Or indeed - and this might be the ideal option - we might be able to effect a Castro-Brown-Noriega sandwich? You between the two of them, with us varying your physical proximity to each according to latest polling?

Let us know your thoughts and we will look into flights.

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