UK Politics
Tony gets ready to serve the Sun King, again
Published 05 July 2007
A seat on the board for our Tony?
A Wapping whisper to explain why Tony Blur failed to utter the words "Rupert" and "Murdoch" in his media "feral beasts" speech. Word is the former prime minister will take time out from rewriting history, eating rubber chicken and popping down to Homebase to serve his master. A seat on the board of News Corp, I'm informed by a snout, is now his when he's ready. The Sun King rah-rahed the Iraq War and has already found a seat for another puppet, the defeated Spanish premier José María Aznar (below). How fitting if a Labour leader who started by flying halfway round the world to perform on Hayman Island for Murdoch ends his days still dancing to the mogul's tune.
Tony Blur wasn't the only departee to enjoy an ovation. Away from the TV cameras in the privacy of a garret, the parliamentary lobby was more pussycat than feral beast. Slippery spinner Tom Kelly was applauded at his final briefing by supposedly fearless hacks. It later emerged that Blur had been grilled a third time by Inspector Knacker, a nugget the same lobby failed to elicit from Kelly in the weeks before. Talk about kissing the hand that didn't feed you.
Now quite a regular in Strangers' is sheep fancier Quentin Davies. The wealthy Tory swapped not only parties but the (non) smoking room's comfy armchairs for the austerity of a Labourite bar once known as the Kremlin. Generous with his rounds, Davies is, I hear, strapping on a parachute as he seeks a safe Labour seat.
Unlikely to share a glass or three with Big Gordie's latest recruit is Labour's resident Old Etonian, Mark Fisher. There's a distinct lack of upper-class solidarity between two of the party's posher MPs. On learning Davies was jumping ship, Fisher was overheard protesting, "He's a very nice chap but certainly not one of us." It was left to Big Gordie's bag carrier and Chris Evans lookalike, the tribal Ian Austin, to swallow hard and champion blue-blooded Davies.
Brrng, brrng. It seems Hattie Harperson was so confident of wearing the Labour deputy's tiara, she rang Prezza's office the week before and asked for a copy of his 1994 acceptance speech. I gather she failed, judging by his industrial language.
As Tom Kelly savoured the clapping hands of hacks, his fellow retiree David "Over the" Hill distributed a new email address. The choice of waitrose.com sparked guffaws. It was suggested in future, instead of being paged by the PM, he'll be messaged to clean a spillage on aisle 11. And that quip was from a scribbler who Over the Hill considered a good client.
Looking lost on the day that mumsy Jacqui Smith took control of car bombs was the ex-home secretary John Reid, spied wandering lonely as a cloud through Portcullis House. All he had were his memories and a couple of bored cops. The harder they pose, the harder they fall.
Kevin Maguire is associate editor (politics) of the Daily Mirror
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